By the Light of the Moon
by chrmisha
Summary: Remus Lupin acts in desperation when faced with the loss of his best friend. A strange turn of events finds him with a woman he's never met before, a woman who challenges all of his beliefs. I do not own Harry Potter or make any money from these stories.
1. Chapter 1

By The Light Of The Moon  
By Chrmisha  
  
Summary: After book 5, Remus Lupin acts in desperation when faced with the loss of his best friend. A strange turn of events finds him with a woman he's never met before, a woman who challenges all of his beliefs. Faced with a chance at true love, will he allow himself to take it? (Romance)  
  
Chapter 1  
  
NO!!!!!  
  
Remus watched in horror as his life evaporated in front of his eyes for the second time in his life. He watched as Sirius was taken from him again––this time for good. The part of him that was still connected to his body reached out to stop Harry from following Sirius. That part of him tried to comfort Harry, but the real Remus was locked away in a prison of pain. He thought things couldn't get any worse. He couldn't have been more wrong. When he was sure Harry wasn't going to follow Sirius through the Veil, he'd loosened his grip. Too soon. Harry went after Bellatrix instead. Some part of himself wanted to chase after Harry. The other parts of himself were lost in grief and remained frozen to the spot. Harry was no match for Bellatrix. And very soon, if he hadn't already, Harry would be joining his godfather.  
  
The bone chilling realization that he was now totally alone in the world swept through him. He looked around, observing the tangled mass of bodies strewn about the theatre. He wished he were one of them. His eyes met Dumbledore's only briefly. He knew he'd failed; he failed to save Sirius, and now he'd failed to save Harry Potter. The boy who lived, now the boy who'd surely die. He learned long ago that emotions got in the way of fighting. But Harry hadn't and his emotions were going to get him killed.  
  
The unreal scene around him began to move as the remaining members of the Order started to collect the bodies of their fallen comrades and the Hogwarts students that had joined Harry. A better man would have stayed to help, a better man would have done a lot of things. But he was none of those. He studied each member of the Order and realized he didn't know them and they certainly didn't know him. The only person who'd known him, who'd cared about him, was Sirius. And Sirius was dead. Harry was dead. He himself was dead, in spirit if not in body. But that could be rectified.  
  
His heart in his throat, he Apparated back to 12 Grimmauld place and gathered his belongings in a small bag. He'd never stayed in one place long enough to accumulate much––just a couple of robes, a few mementos, a toothbrush, comb, razor, and deodorant––the bare necessities. He could no sooner stay at the Black house than he could in his own body. The full moon was only a few days away and he had no intention of spending it alone. He'd spent it without Sirius for 13 years; never again.  
  
An urgent owl had arrived first thing that morning bearing a Port Key. She looked at the chalice with a mixture of dread and anticipation. Why was he summoning her now? She almost picked up the phone to call and cancel all of her appointments for the day but realized that her vet clinic was still being rebuilt from the fire that had ravaged it the week before. Her days had been relatively empty since then, and she relished the thought of wandering the grounds of Hogwarts and reminiscing about the semester she'd spent there. When she arrived in his office, he was waiting for her. The grim look in his eyes made her want to turn right around and go back to the safety of her own home where whatever news he had her couldn't touch her.  
  
"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Ms. Perkins." Dumbledore's voice was somber.  
  
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could hear the doctor's voice, "I'm so sorry, Ms Perkins, your mother passed away during the night. We did everything we could."  
  
"Who is it?" she asked, fear gripping her chest.  
  
"I'm afraid it's Sirius. I'm so sorry."  
  
She didn't remember the rest of the day, nor much of the next. She didn't know how she'd gotten home. She didn't know if she'd ate or slept since then either. On Friday night, she dug out the bottle of wine she'd been saving to celebrate. To celebrate life, not death, but what did it matter now? Pouring herself a glass, she fished out the box of letters she kept in the top drawer of her dresser. Sirius, she cried, We were just getting to know each other. We were just beginning to make up for lost time. Time. It's always about time. Not enough time.  
  
She read the letters late into the night. She laughed with him over the silly things the Mauraders had done in their youth and cried with him over the heartbreaking trials that had raked his short existence on this planet. With only a few letters left to go, she curled up in her bed, exhausted. She'd read them in the morning if she was still in the mood.  
  
As morning dawned and sunlight poured through her windows, she stretched and looked about the parchment-strewn floor. One of the unread letters seemed to be glowing. Must be a reflection from the sun, she thought. But when she picked it up, the parchment felt hot to the touch. A rush of nervous energy coursed through her body. As she opened it, a tuft of gray fur floated to the floor.  
  
Amera,  
  
I must beg your forgiveness for this maudlin mood I'm in. Lately I've  
been having bad dreams. Nothing unusual, really, but they got me to  
thinking. I have a favor to ask of you. There's only one other person on  
this planet who knows more about me than you do and that's Moony. If  
anything happened to you or Harry, Moony would be there for me. And if  
anything happened to Moony, I'd have to stick around for you and Harry.  
God forbid anything should happen to all of you.  
  
That's what got me thinking. Who would be there for Moony if anything  
happened to me? Harry has his friends, you have your work and your  
family; Moony has no one and nothing. Amera, if anything should ever  
happen to me, I want you to look after Moony. I'm afraid he might harm  
himself. If I lost all of you, I'd harm myself. So maybe I'm just  
projecting my fears onto him. Maybe. Maybe not. He lost his world once, I  
don't think he could stand to lose it again. I told you what he was like  
when I first went to live with him a year ago. He was a shell of a man,  
going through the motions of surviving, but not really living, not really  
alive. He's come back to us now, and the thought of losing him again  
terrifies me.  
  
So, just in case, I would feel a whole lot better knowing that if  
something happened to me, there would still be someone there who gave a  
damn about him. I know you've never met him, except through my letters.  
Consider this my last wish. We are fighting a war and I am an escaped  
convict. One never knows.  
  
The letter was several pages long, the longest he'd ever written her. She'd been so worried after receiving it, she insisted on meeting him for lunch. When she'd finally seen him, he was in good spirits and didn't once mention the letter. At the time, she thought it must have just been something he needed to get off his chest. Now his words stunned and scalded her. Consider this my last wish. The last thing she wanted to do was go traipsing around the Wizarding world searching for a man who didn't want to be found. Dammit! She threw the letter on the floor and curled up under her covers. My last wish, Amera. His voice echoed mercilessly in her head.  
  
Dumbledore was waiting for her when she arrived. She didn't know how much to tell him. She didn't know Remus Lupin at all. Surely he was grieving; Sirius had been his best friend.  
  
Dumbledore contacted Order Headquarters to see if someone could round up Remus for her. No one had seen him since that fateful night, but Remus was known to be a bit of a loner, and considering what had happened, no one blamed him for holing up in his rooms. A very distraught Tonks reported back that not only was Remus not at Headquarters, but his belongings were gone.  
  
Dumbledore looked troubled. Amera found this unfamiliar disposition of his quite unsettling. He was supposed to be all powerful, all knowing. She found herself being the scared teenager again; the doctor was supposed to be able to make her mother all better. But she had died anyway. Alone, afraid, and in pain. Amera was not there. She would not let another person die that way. She'd failed her mother in life, she would not fail Sirius in death; she would find Remus Lupin.  
  
As Amera left, she found herself bereft of the comfort Dumbledore sought to give her. His promise of having the members of the Order find Remus Lupin wasn't enough. It'll be too late by then, she had lamented. She knew what she had to do, she could do no less.  
  
She hoped she was wrong. But just in case she wasn't, she went through Sirius's letter one last time, memorizing his instructions. She laid out all the supplies she might need. She hoped there would be no need for them––because Remus was alive, not because she was too late. 


	2. Chapter 2

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 2  
  
It was a cool autumn evening when she arrived at the Leaky Cauldron. She studied the picture Sirius had sent of himself and Remus one last time, engraving the image in her mind. She'd find him if it was the last thing she did. And what will you do with this stranger once you find him? He doesn't even know you. She brushed the thoughts aside. Finding him is what matters. I'll deal with the rest later. She searched the patrons faces; old, young, happy, sad. None of them were Remus. Clutching the tuft of fur in her hand, she let herself relax and become the antennae she knew she was. Just a low hum. He'd been here––maybe yesterday, maybe twenty years ago. He definitely wasn't here now.  
  
Diagon Alley was always a strange and exciting place for her. She'd been raised a Muggle and although she went to a magical school and enjoyed it immensely, she chose to remain mostly in the Muggle world. For the memory of her mother, she supposed. She never knew her father. No one knew what to make of her strange gifts when she was growing up. No one else in the family had them, certainly not her mother, nor the man she always thought was her father. It had been kind of a standing joke. Lost your beloved pet? Just ask Amera, she'll find it for you. And she had, every time. She'd even found an escaped zoo animal once and was written up in the local newspaper. When she'd finally received the invitation to the US School of Witchcraft and Wizardry it all made sense. Her abilities were no longer so unusual, or so she thought. She soon learned, though, that not all witches and wizards could communicate with animals, much less track them. She remembered the words of her favorite teacher: You have a very special gift, Amera, use it wisely. Was this wise?  
  
Sadness strummed through her as she remembered telling Sirius about her gift. She'd been afraid to tell him, afraid he'd think she was crazy. But much to her surprise, he'd had it too; that was the reason he and Remus were so close. Sirius could communicate with Moony in ways the average person could not. Sirius was the first person she'd ever met that had the same gift she had. But Azkaban had taken it away from him, like so many things. She'd wanted to use her gift, their gift, to find Wormtail, to set Sirius free, but he forbid her, telling her it was too dangerous. Peter was working with Lord Voldemort now, and she'd likely end up dead chasing after him. It pained her to see him constantly on the run. She wasn't able to ease his suffering in life; she was determined to do so in death. His last wish.  
  
Absently, she purchased what she needed from the Apothecary. Just in case. The humming in her mind and body continued to pulse. He'd been to Fortescues, he'd been to Flourish and Blotts many times, he'd been lots of places in Diagon Alley, but he wasn't at any of them now. She stood in the middle of the street concentrating, willing her gift to lead her in the right direction. She walked north, paying close attention to the vibration in her hand growing slightly stronger with every step she took.  
  
Opening her eyes, she found herself at the crossroads with Knockturn Alley. Damn. She knew this place by reputation. It was not a place an attractive young witch like herself should be walking alone after dark. She would be a prime target for many untoward things. Taking a deep breath, she pulled her hood up and held her head high, gripping her wand tightly. She'd learned in the Muggle world that if you were in an unsavory neighborhood you should always walk with a purpose and look confident. She would not give in to her fears, she would not be a victim. Taking a deep breath, she plunged forward into the darkness, her wits her only defense.  
  
Fires lit the trash bins as witches and wizards hovered over them, stealing their warmth. Dark buildings etched the evening sky. A sense of foreboding settled heavily on her soul. She swallowed, trying to keep her nerves in check, her heart knocking against her ribcage. She drew many stares as she went on her way. The humming grew stronger. She knew she was going in the right direction. The fur in her hand vibrated eagerly. He'd come this way recently. She only hoped it was recently enough. For all she knew, she'd find herself at a dead-end only to discovered he'd Disapparated from the very spot she was standing.  
  
Suddenly, she was gripped by fear at the sight of a group of wizards approaching her, evil grins on their faces.  
  
"Well, well, well, I haven't seen the likes of you here before," the one on the right taunted while the others leered at her.  
  
She willed her heart to stop beating so fast and took a calming breath. With more courage than she thought she possessed, she pasted a crazed smile on her face and let her eyes roll around in their sockets a moment before coming to rest on the wizard who had spoken. She could smell the scent of alcohol on their breaths. She could sense they were up to no good. She would not be a victim. Raising one eyebrow, she leaned in and spoke very clearly, "Aye, mustn't keep him waiting. No, no. You know how angry he gets when he's kept waiting. Lord Voldemort is a very busy wizard." The shockwave that washed over her pursuers at the mention of the Dark Lord's name was palpable. They backed away from her before quickly disappearing into the shadows. With immense relief, she let out the breath she was holding. Picking up her pace, she continued to follow the humming vibrations that continued to grow stronger. The sooner she found him, the sooner she could get out of there.  
  
She reached that proverbial dead-end not five minutes later. She stepped into the shadows before looking back over her shoulder. No one was following her. The brick wall in front of her seemed impassable. Yet the antennae inside of her beckoned her forward. The wall stretched higher than she could see, certainly she couldn't climb it. Using her wand she whispered a spell causing the wall to reveal itself for what it was. One of the bricks glowed ominously golden in the night. She tapped it with her wand three times. The gold light seemed to spill onto the other bricks causing them to shimmer. It must be a passage she thought to herself. Cautiously, she touched one of the bricks. Her finger slipped inside as if she was putting her finger in a glass of cool water. When she withdrew it, though, her skin was dry. She tested it again with her whole arm. Shrugging her shoulders, she held her breath and stepped into the wall. The sensation of walking through water was quickly replaced by fresh air and more darkness. She wouldn't mind if she never had to do that again. She squinted in the dim light to see that she was no longer in Knockturn Alley, but what looked to be a seedy Muggle neighborhood in London. Great, I go from a bad situation to another.  
  
She didn't have time to worry, though, as she felt her body being dragged to the west. She couldn't control the sensation, but she could decide whether or not to act on it. Remus was very close, she could feel it. The fur in her hand was hot and vibrating furiously. She was pulled toward an old stone wall that was about three feet high. Behind it was an abandoned, run-down shack and some trees. Climbing over the wall, she walked slowly towards the forest. She looked carefully at the evening sky; one more night until the full moon. The last thing she needed was to come face to face with a full grown wolf.  
  
The landscape she traversed quickly turned wooded. She hated being out here alone. There were any number of bad things she could encounter, none of which she wanted to think about at the moment. Remus was very near here and she had to find him before she scared him off. He could Disapparate. She could not. If he disappeared now, she'd be on her own.  
  
She stopped suddenly and listened. Her body knew before her eyes did. She was finding it quite difficult to stand still while her whole body was being drawn to his like the pull of a very strong spell. She held on to the trunk of a tree for support. As the moon slipped from beneath the clouds, she could see the figure of a man facing away from her in a small clearing. He was wearing robes and holding something in each hand. She couldn't see his face, but the clump of fur in her hand told her beyond any doubt that the man in front of her was Remus Lupin.  
  
She swallowed, not sure how to approach him. Should she call out his name? Should she stun him and take him back to her apartment? Various crazy thoughts ran through her mind, until a sudden chill slipped through her body. Then, there were no more thoughts, just the pure horror of realizing that the thing in his right hand was a gun and he'd raised it to his temple while he looked at the moon and muttered something she couldn't understand.  
  
Without conscious thought, her body lurched out from behind the tree. With the speed and grace of an animal, she found herself behind him in an instant, her wand dug into his back. "Drop it!"  
  
"Or what?" His hand was steady at his temple. She realized that he could just as easily tip his hand back and shoot her. Or he could pull the trigger. The next thought was even more comical. I'm threatening a suicidal man with a wand. He wants me to kill him.  
  
"Remus, please, don't do this," her voice pleaded.  
  
He stilled at the sound of his name. But just as suddenly, she saw the muscles in his hand twitch. He was going to pull the trigger. In an instant, she'd pointed her wand at the gun and muttered a few choice words causing the gun to evaporate in mid-air. As if he was expecting this, his left hand jerked and he quickly chugged the fluid that was in the vial he held. Her gut wrenched at what he'd just done. She watched as he sat casually on the ground, waiting for it all to end. He wasn't going to fight it.  
  
"Remus!" she cried, dropping to her knees in front of him. His eyes were closed, he refused to look at her. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. Now was not the time, she reminded herself. Every second counted. She delved into her robes for the Port Key that Dumbledore had reluctantly made for her. She grasped his trembling hands and held them in place with her own. Slamming her eyes shut, she held on for dear life. She hated the sensation of free falling through time and space. But in mere moments, they materialized in her kitchen. Disentangling herself from him, she shook her head at his motionless body. The poison was already taking effect.  
  
Dammit, Remus, I'm not going to let you die! Don't do this to me! Don't do this to Sirius!  
  
Taking a steadying breath and wiping the sweat from her brow, she spun around her small kitchen. She had to act fast. The ingredients for the anecdote were on the table. Quickly, she mixed them together with those she'd picked up at the Apothecary. The antidote would neutralize the silver already in his bloodstream by binding the elemental silver into a harmless compound.  
  
Looking back at his prone figure, she noticed that the convulsions were already starting. She knew she wouldn't be able to stop the havoc he'd reeked on his body, she could only hope the potion would prevent it from killing him. As a vet, she knew the poison would travel through his gastrointestinal tract and burn every inch of it, wiping out the natural flora there. He wouldn't be able to absorb nutrients from food, and any food in his system would come out rather rapidly––one way or the other. If he survived, it would be days before he would be able to eat again. If he survived.  
  
All she could do now was sit back and watch and wait and pray. It was not a pretty sight, observing the man in front of her writhe in pain on her kitchen floor. She took a deep breath to distance herself. It was like watching one of her animal patients in the throws of being poisoned. She cleaned up after him as needed, wrapped him in warm towels, and ran her fingers through his hair as she would have stroked someone's pet to comfort it at a time like this. And as with her animal patients, she felt just as helpless. She'd watched many of them die and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it, other than offer supportive care, as she did now. Still, it never got any easier. Once in awhile, the supportive care would work, and that glimmer of hope kept her going then, as it kept her going now.  
  
When the convulsions finally stopped, she hooked up some IV fluids to keep him hydrated. When he seemed stable, she pulled the cushions off her couch along with some blankets and laid them on the floor next to him, dozing on and off between checking on him and cleaning up after him. The nervous feeling in her gut did not abate. She hated being stuck in this limbo between life and death. She hated not knowing. She hated not being in control.  
  
Opening her eyes as morning dawned, she looked at the clock and bolted upright. She'd slept four hours! He was shivering slightly under the blanket she'd covered him with, but hadn't thrown up any more since last night. She wrapped more blankets around him and checked his vitals before switching IV bags. His breathing was more steady, his vitals stronger. He wasn't out of the woods yet, but he seemed to be progressing in the right direction.  
  
With some of her fear abated, she noticed for the first time the man that lay before her. His sweat-drenched brown hair clung to his face. He looked young, mid-thirties maybe, his face lightly lined. He was thin, too thin, she thought. But all in all, he was actually quite handsome. His body was muscular and well-used. She imagined the wolf kept him in good shape. And his face looked peaceful. She swallowed. He had wanted to die. What on earth would she do with him when he woke up? If he woke up, she reminded herself. But she had a more pressing concern right now. Tonight was the full moon. 


	3. Chapter 3

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 3  
  
It was almost noon when Dumbledore and Snape arrived at her house, both looking equally uneasy with the situation presented to them. She didn't know Snape, but his reputation proceeded him through Sirius's letters.  
  
"You should have let us find him." Snape's voice drawled with impatience as if she were an inept student of his.  
  
"He'd have been dead by the time you found him."  
  
"So he would have," Snape muttered without a hint of regret in his voice. "In any case, we need to get him out of here and someplace safe."  
  
"NO." It was not a suggestion or even something to be considered. Her decision was clear. "He's not in any condition to be moved. If you try and move him now you'll kill him." And I promised Sirius I'd take care of him. I won't let him die.  
  
Dumbledore and Snape both looked taken aback at her brazenness.  
  
"Excuse me, Ms. Perkins, but your friend here will be a full-grown, flesh- eating werewolf in about eight hours. How exactly are you going to deal with that?"  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat to speak, but Amera raised her hand.  
  
"This may come as a surprise to you, but I'm not as incompetent as you seem to think. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be alive right now. Not only because I found him, but because I prepared and administered an antidote to the poison. I've also been giving him IV fluids to keep him hydrated. My thought is that I will cage him for the duration of his transformation, here in my home, and I will have a tranquilizer gun ready. When he's transformed, I will tranquilize him as needed to keep him calm. I'm not sure the wolf will be as beholden to this illness as his human form and I don't want the wolf causing him any more damage."  
  
She paused for a moment, studying the stunned look on Dumbledore's face and the outraged look on Snape's. "If you move him, it will kill him. If the wolf's allowed to run free, even caged, the exertion alone will kill him."  
  
"We will give him the Wolfsbane potion, I assure you." Snape said, unwilling to relent.  
  
"You can't, and it wouldn't do any good. The poison destroyed his GI tract. Nothing taken orally right now can get absorbed into his blood stream. The only way he can receive anything at the moment is by injection and there are no studies on injecting the Wolfsbane potion. A direct injection of such a potent potion into the bloodstream would likely kill him."  
  
Snape started to say something, but Dumbledore interjected. "I presume, Ms. Perkins, that you are aware of the risks you are taking?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"You seem to have thought this through thoroughly."  
  
"Yes, I have. There is a very large and sturdy cage in my garage. It survived the fire at my clinic and I am storing it until my clinic is rebuilt. Once in awhile, we keep a tiger from the zoo overnight. I'm not very good at transfiguration, though, and it will need to be shrunk before it can be hauled up here, and then returned to normal size for Remus's transformation." More quietly, she added, looking at Dumbledore and carefully avoiding Snape's loathing gaze, "I also wanted to know if there was anything else you might suggest that I either hadn't thought of or didn't know about."  
  
Snape looked aghast that Dumbledore was considering allowing this. "Severus," was all Dumbledore said, but Snape shut his mouth and didn't say another word.  
  
"Very well, Ms. Perkins. We will help prepare your home and then I will come tonight for the transformation just in case anything goes wrong."  
  
"Thank you Headmaster. Having a wizard such as yourself here would be a blessing."  
  
Amera spent the day preparing for that evening. She put blankets and padding in the large cage so the wolf would be comfortable. She pumped in as much IV fluids as she dared, knowing she wouldn't be able to give the wolf any. She put water in the cage. Remus was still unconscious. She'd managed to move him to the couch since the worst of his poisoning had already taken its toll on his bodily functions. And then she watched, and waited.  
  
Dumbledore arrived at dusk and helped her move Remus into the cage. He locked the cage and checked the evening sky while Amera prepared her dart gun. She'd seen animals do a lot of amazing things, but she'd never seen one animal transform into another. The thought was intriguing and terrifying at the same time. She shook as she felt a shock go through her body. She immediately turned to look at Remus.  
  
"The transformation is beginning, I can feel it."  
  
"How does it feel?" Dumbledore's voice echoed in her head as if her were miles away, not crouching down next to her.  
  
She winced. "Not good. It's very painful. I don't feel the pain, exactly, but I feel– like a shadow of it. I can't explain. I just know it's painful." Together they watched as Remus the man turned into the wolf. When the wolf's eyes turned on her, she froze, her breath caught in her throat. A low growl pierced the still air.  
  
"He's angry. He doesn't understand," she said, shaking her head.  
  
"Understand what?"  
  
"He doesn't understand why he's in a cage, why his insides are on fire, why we're here, why–" She jumped back at the wolf lunged at the cage bars. Taking a deep breath, she picked up the dart gun and whispered, "Sorry," as she shot him in the hind quarters twice. She steadied herself, willing herself to feel the animal, to gauge if she'd given him enough. "It should take effect immediately. At least it does for dogs."  
  
Instinctively, his fangs ripped the darts out of his flesh, snapping them with his teeth. Then the wolf stared at her, as if mortally offended by her behavior.  
  
"It's for your own good," she whispered sympathetically.  
  
She watched his eyes carefully, the golden orbs glowing with anger, masking the fear that lie beneath. And then she sighed. Something shifted, inside her and inside the wolf. The anger was subsiding, the fear lessening. "It's working," she said, sitting back on her haunches. They watched in awe as he laid down on the blankets, his head on his paws. Still those golden eyes bore into her, as if trying to communicate with her.  
  
"How long will he stay calm?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"A couple of hours at most. I'll have to give him some more shots to get through the night. I'm afraid that if I give him too much as once, I'll suppress his respiratory system."  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "I've got some work to do, do you mind if I just sit in the other room?"  
  
"No, not all."  
  
"Yell if you need me."  
  
The wolf's eyes were still connected to hers. She knew that somehow Dumbledore sensed that they were communicating like this and that she wanted to be alone with the wolf. She stared at the wolf for a long time, whispering soothing things to the it. The wolf watched her intently, calmly, whining occasionally. She'd have liked to stroke his fur, but he was still a wild animal, and tranquilizers or not, he wasn't safe. Instead, she studied him through the bars, feeling his feelings. Sometimes she wished she could read humans that easily, other times she knew she was glad she couldn't.  
  
"You're not alone, Remus. I won't leave you." Both her voice and her eyes imparted the message.  
  
With that, the wolf took a deep breath and closed its eyes. It fell into a restless sleep, and she found herself doing the same.  
  
With a jolt she awakened. The wolf was growling and whining and Dumbledore was crouching over her. "I think it's time for his next dose," he said. His eyes said he was sorry to wake her.  
  
She quickly administered two more shots. This time, the wolf merely looked at the darts in his muscular thigh and growled. She beamed reassurance through her eyes to his, and he settled down, waiting for the tranquilizer to take effect. She wasn't sure if he was being submissive, or just resigned fate. It occurred to her as she watched him that the look in his eyes looked more human when he was calm, less wild and wolf-like than when the effects of the tranquilizer wore off.  
  
The next two doses went much smoother. The wolf whined to signal it was time, and Amera administered the darts with only a hint of regret. The wolf was beginning to trust her. The connection she felt to the wolf was undeniable. She'd communicated with a lot of animals before but she'd never felt as drawn to another animal as she felt to this one. Perhaps it was because there was a person underneath it all. She wasn't sure, but she spent a long time that evening just staring into the wolf's eyes, the wolf staring back. Often times with animal communication, she couldn't exactly say what had been communicated. They were feelings more than concrete thoughts. In the end, she'd come away knowing more about the animal than she had before, knowledge that she couldn't substantiate but that was nonetheless true.  
  
The magnetism washed over her again. She was being drawn to him. But he wasn't a man now, he was a wolf. And the wolf was calling to her, beckoning her to join him. Every cell in her body longed to be with him. It was an indescribable sensation she'd never felt before. As she reached for him, her world faded to black.  
  
"Amera," his voice was gruff. "Amera, wake up." Slowly she opened her eyes. Dumbledore was kneeling over her. "Let's get him out of that cage. He's safe now. And you both need to get some sleep." Sleep. She hadn't hardly slept in two days. Dumbledore opened the cage and levitated Remus's limp body. "Where would you like him?"  
  
"In my bed," she said, without thinking how strange this might sound. She often put sick animals on her bed or next to it so that she knew immediately if they needed anything. Much to her relief, Dumbledore didn't even raise so much as an eyebrow at her decision. She pulled back the covers and motioned for him to be placed there. She found his boxers and slipped them over his legs, as if seeing naked men was an every day occurrence. It wasn't. She should be more embarrassed. But she was in doctor mode now; there was no time for embarrassment or modesty. Still, she thought he'd feel more comfortable if he didn't wake stark naked in a strange bed. She figured when he did awake, whenever that would be, he'd be panicked enough. He'd never met her before. And surely he wouldn't remember the last several days.  
  
Amera saw Dumbledore to the door. She smiled in amusement looking at the miniature cage he held in the palm of his hand.  
  
"Why don't we just leave this here, in case you need it again." He winked at her as he set the pint-sized cage on the table next to the unused Wolfsbane potion that Snape had left behind. "You've done a very admirable thing, Amera, I'm very proud of you. If you should need me when Remus awakens, do not hesitate to call upon me. I'm sure he'll be in need of a great many explanations."  
  
Those were very good points, she thought. But she was too tired to ponder them any longer. She ran a quick bolus of subcutaneous fluids into him before crawling into bed beside him, her hand wrapped loosely around his forearm as she drifted off to sleep. 


	4. Chapter 4

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 4  
  
He was warm. That was the first thing he felt. Warm and dry. And there were foreign scents all around him. Female scents. Somewhere in the back of his mind he noted the presence of another person in his vicinity. Very close. Too close. He turned his head and observed the woman lying next to him––in bed. He was laying with a woman in an unfamiliar bed. And he had no memory of her. This couldn't be good. He noted the shiny, long black curls that played around her porcelain face. Black hair––like Sirius's. The thought floated absently through his mind. He noted her high cheekbones, her soft lips. He listened to the rhythm of her breathing until her eyes fluttered open. His heart rammed into his chest. There was no mistaking those eyes. He'd know those dark brown eyes anywhere––Sirius's eyes.  
  
It must have been a dream. The woman lying next to him with Sirius's eyes. But that remote thought was pushed out of his mind as his body jolted awake. He felt like his insides were on fire. They burned. His mouth, his behind, and everywhere in between. Oh God. He clamped his eyes shut as he tried to remember what had happened. He searched around in his foggy brain for any hints. The first image that popped up was Harry. Harry screaming. Sirius. Sirius, dead. Harry running after Bellatrix. Harry, dead. Himself leaving. Running. Away. Anywhere. Alone. So alone. The forest. Empty. Like he was. Alone. And Empty. Ending it all. Forever. The gun. The silver bullets. And then, the voice. Remus, please. Don't do this. His gun, evaporating. The vial. The vial of silver. He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be dead. Dammit! Why was he still here? He groaned. Fingers curled around his wrist like hot straps of leather. He tried to jerk free, but her grip was very strong.  
  
"Remus? Are you awake?"  
  
That voice again. Not that voice.  
  
Suddenly he felt nauseous. But she wouldn't let go. He sat up, dragging her with him over to the side of the bed where he wretched. Dry heaves, the worst. She let go then, smart woman that she was. But then she was back, putting a cool, wet cloth against his forehead, wiping his face, rubbing his back. Words of comfort slipped from her mouth. As if she knew him.  
  
"You should– have let– me die," he rasped.  
  
"Shhh...." she said, wiping his face with the washcloth.  
  
He pushed her hand away and ran his fingers through his hair, breathing hard. "It would– have been better– than this." When the nausea finally passed, he collapsed back on the bed. He would have protested if he had the strength. He should have protested. He really should have. But he couldn't. As he drifted back to sleep very disturbing thoughts played on the edge of his consciousness––the full moon must be approaching.  
  
The late afternoon sun threw shadows against the far wall. He should care. His logical mind was knocking frantically. The full moon. He startled awake, throwing the covers back. He had to leave. The moon would be up within the hour. He got to his feet, but his legs collapsed beneath him. Damn. His insides were on fire and his outsides weren't very cooperative. The wave of nausea came again, mixed with light-headedness. The world was fading to black.  
  
When he came to again, Sirius's eyes were staring down at him. It either wasn't a dream, or he was still dreaming. The last slivers of light were showing through the window. Instinctively, he pushed her away, scrambling towards the door.  
  
"Remus, Stop!"  
  
"No, you don't understand! I have to get out of here, I have to leave––" Her hands were on his shoulders. He was clutching his throat, the fire burning stronger from the words he'd screamed. His head was spinning. He had to get out of here before he hurt her or anyone else.  
  
"Remus, it's okay. You're okay. You're safe now."  
  
He pushed her away again with surprising strength, and lunged for the door. She was saying something, but he couldn't understand. Voices in his head, voices everywhere. He was screaming now too, trying to get away from her, away from humans.  
  
As he reached for the door handle, she grabbed him from behind, spun him around, and pinned him against the door. The look in her eyes was something he'd never seen in a person before. Not anger, not fear, something primal. Her stare was penetrating, as if searching for something within him.  
  
"Remus, the full moon was two nights ago. It's over."  
  
As her words sunk in, his knees gave way. He sunk to the floor, shaken by the revelation.  
  
"But, but– Where? How?" Confusion plagued his mind. She knew, somehow she knew.  
  
"It's okay, you were here, with me," she said, squatting down in front of him.  
  
Confusion was quickly replaced by anger. "What?!?"  
  
Remus listened to her explanation in disbelief. Surely he was dreaming now. This wasn't possible. He expected to wake up any minute.  
  
"Who are you?" he demanded.  
  
She sat back, her eyes meeting his distrusting ones. "I'm Amera Perkins."  
  
He studied her for a moment longer, shaking his head in disbelief. "I feel awful," he finally said, instinctively wrapping his arms around his ailing body.  
  
"I bet," she said, as she retrieved a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around him. She picked up a tray of various concoctions on a nearby table and offered him one of the bubbling mugs. "Here, drink this. Madam Pomfrey says it should help with the burning sensation in your gut."  
  
"Madam Pomfrey?"  
  
"Yes, her and Dumbledore came by yesterday to drop these off."  
  
He leaned back against the closed door, his knees to his chest. "So everyone knows."  
  
"I needed help. Here, drink up."  
  
He took the mug from her and forced the foul tasting liquid down his aching throat. Damn this is not how it was supposed to happen!  
  
"I need a shower."  
  
"How about a bath?"  
  
"Fine." Anything to clear my head and figure a way to get the hell out of here. To finish what I started.  
  
"I'll start the water."  
  
After she left the room, he considered his options. Perhaps he could slip out while she was getting the bath water ready. He couldn't believe what a mess he'd made of his life. And now he was stuck with a self-proclaimed healer who wanted to save him. Save him from himself. He rolled his eyes at the thought. He didn't need saving. He needed to get the hell out of here and away from her. He struggled in vain to get up. Dammit! He struck the wall next to him, infuriated by the injustice of it all. Was there no mercy in the world? He wasn't even allowed to die in peace.  
  
He watched her as she reentered the room, hoping that she'd see the anger behind his gaze, his clenched jaw, his fisted hands. He didn't know what she was doing with him, but he wanted it to stop. Why would anyone risk their own life to save someone they didn't even know, much less a werewolf? It didn't make sense.  
  
He watched as she stopped in her tracks and swallowed against the swell of fear rising within her. He felt a momentary pang of guilt for trying to intimidate the one person left who was willing to help him. But was she not also the same person who openly defied him by saving his life? She turned and left the room. When she returned, she had a towel and his robes, freshly cleaned, in hand.  
  
"I'll help you bathe." Her eyes met his. During her short absence, she'd seemed to regain her courage. He admired her for standing up to him.  
  
"I think I'm quite capable of bathing myself."  
  
She took a deep breath, as if trying to explain the obvious to a small child. "Actually, you're not."  
  
"Forgive me, but I don't typically parade around naked in front of strange women."  
  
"I think we're a bit beyond modesty. Do you have any idea what silver does to your body? I've been taking care of you for the last four days. Believe me, it's nothing I haven't seen already." Her voice was even and held no pity, her hands were on her hips.  
  
He knew damn well what silver did to a body such as his; the body of a werewolf. The thought of her having to clean up after him was not comforting in the least. Disgusting was the best he could come up with. Like a small child with a nasty case of the stomach flu. But he wasn't a child, he was a full grown adult.  
  
"I didn't ask you to save me," he spat at her. "I didn't want to be saved."  
  
"Yes, I know. You were too caught up in your own self pity."  
  
"How dare you! How dare you tell me––" He stopped. She was baiting him. She knew more than she was letting on. He could feel it. "Why were you even looking for me?"  
  
"Oh, it's a hobby of mine, risking my life in search of strange, suicidal werewolves."  
  
Her words struck him as odd until he realized just where he'd been that night. "You came through Knockturn Alley, at night, to find me? Forgive me," he said, looking her over, "but you don't look the type to be well- versed in the Dark Arts to be traipsing around a place like that, much less the Muggle neighborhood I ended up in. Speaking of which, how did you find me? I didn't even know where I was going."  
  
She sighed. "Let's get you into the tub and then I'll explain, okay?"  
  
He looked skeptically at her before she rolled her eyes and added, "I put in lots of bubble bath––it's a Muggle thing––so you won't have to feel so self-conscious."  
  
He struggled to his feet, determined to prove to her that he didn't need her assistance. He managed all of two steps before doubling over in pain and falling to his knees. He gave her a pained look, unwilling to admit defeat. The odd expression on her face now complimented the hands that remained on her hips; he wondered if she was going to laugh at him.  
  
"My head is spinning and my insides feel like they've been turned inside- out."  
  
She nodded, returning momentarily with the appropriate potions as well as a pain killing tonic.  
  
When he was able to straighten up, she put his arm around her shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. Together, they stumbled to the bathroom where she directed him to sit on the ledge while she helped him undress.  
  
"How ironic. I've never been undressed by a woman before but I'd always hoped it'd be under different circumstances." He smiled shyly at her before looking away.  
  
She smiled back at the flush of embarrassment that colored his cheeks. "It's nothing I haven't seen before, Remus," she repeated.  
  
He grunted at her comment as he slid into the warm water. He blew a swath of foamy, white bubbles away from his face. "Interesting, these," he said, motioning to the mountains of bubbles floating atop the water, providing him a measure of privacy.  
  
He felt her guide his head back against the cool porcelain tub.  
  
"Relax, Remus. I won't do anything to embarrass you, I promise."  
  
"It's a little late for that," he muttered.  
  
Her gentle laugh helped him to relax a little. He leaned back and closed his eyes. His head was still spinning and there wasn't much he could do about his situation at the moment.  
  
His breath caught in his throat as he felt the soapy washcloth descend down his chest. Instinctively, he grabbed her hand. "I can wash myself."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes. Why, do you think I'll drown?"  
  
She wrinkled her nose. "No, but you might fall asleep."  
  
He rolled his eyes and managed to wash himself before collapsing back against the tub exhausted.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
He nodded, not opening his eyes.  
  
"Would you like me to wash your hair?"  
  
He looked at her with the same pained expression on his face. He hated admitting defeat. But the truth was, he was too exhausted to do anymore. "If you must."  
  
She laughed and muttered something under her breath, something that sounded suspiciously like, "Proud, aren't we?"  
  
He inhaled sharply as her fingers made contact with his scalp, massaging the shampoo into a lather. Sighing, he leaned into her hands, allowing himself a small bit of comfort from her touch, human touch. Something he experienced rarely in his life. He hated to admit it, but her touch felt wonderful.  
  
"You have very nice hair; soft and silky."  
  
He raised his eyebrows, his eyes still closed. He'd never thought much about his hair before. It was just something that was there, something that he was told he didn't cut often enough.  
  
He noticed the sudden absence of her touch when she'd finished washing and rinsing his hair.  
  
"Feel better?" she asked.  
  
"Yes, thank you." The part of him that was angry with her for saving his life had drifted away, leaving behind a calm contentedness. The warm water was soothing against his sore body. Comfortable in her tub, he met her eyes. "Now that I'm clean, please, explain."  
  
"Where should I start?"  
  
"From the beginning. I want to know everything. You saved my life. I haven't a clue why. You don't even know me, and I certainly don't know you."  
  
"I'll give you the short version now. When you're less exhausted, we'll talk more. Okay?"  
  
He nodded, closing his eyes and listening to the soft syllables of her voice as they caressed his weary mind.  
  
He awoke in her bed warm and dry under the covers. She was propped up next to him reading a book, a small reading lamp next to her the only light in the room. "I don't remember getting out of the tub."  
  
She looked over at him, smiling. "You didn't, exactly. I drained the water, dried you off, and levitated you here. I couldn't wake you."  
  
"I'm naked."  
  
"Yes, I'm getting quite fond of you that way. It will be a shame to see you with clothes on when you're feeling better."  
  
The twinkle in her eyes and the teasing smile on her face raised a blush on his cheeks. "Do you always hold naked men captive in your bed?"  
  
"No, you're the first."  
  
"I see," he nodded, not seeing at all. Was she flirting with him? When was the last time a woman flirted with him? A woman who knew what he was. 


	5. Chapter 5

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 5  
  
It had been almost two weeks since she'd taken him in. Members from the Order had made inquiries to see him, but he'd refused all visitors so far. He couldn't stand to face any of them. Not after what he'd done. Or tried to do rather. He could barely stand to face himself, much less Amera.  
  
Amera. Her constant presence was both comforting and disconcerting. Even now that he'd recovered enough to walk, bathe on his own, and feed himself, she still insisted on watching over him constantly. And he was still sleeping in her bed with her at his side; albeit clothed now instead of naked. He'd offered to sleep on the couch but she wouldn't hear of it. Ironic. He'd spent his entire life alone and now he was being held captive by a woman who was much too kind for her own good.  
  
He was laying next to her under the covers, staring up at the ceiling. "You don't even know me. I could be a serial killer for all you know."  
  
"But you're not." Her voice was soothing and soft in the darkness.  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
"I know more than you think."  
  
"Oh really, just what do you think you know? Physiological functions aside."  
  
"I know you feel alone in the world. And as much as you hate being alone, you feel you don't deserve any better."  
  
His body stilled at her words. All the playfulness vanished from his voice. "Did Sirius tell you that?"  
  
"No, the wolf did."  
  
"The wolf ?!?" He jerked to look at her.  
  
She had rolled to her side and was propped up on her elbow. She reached out tentatively and ran her hand through his hair, trailing her fingers down his cheek. "You don't have to be alone, Remus."  
  
He inhaled sharply at her touch. His heart raced. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been touched like that by a woman. The soft look in her eyes was disarming. He swallowed, choking on his words, "I didn't know the wolf could talk."  
  
The seductive smile that curved across her lips made him squirm beneath the covers. His body was responding to her in ways he wasn't prepared to deal with at the moment.  
  
"I seem to have an odd gift for communicating with animals."  
  
He remembered how her eyes had bore into him when he thought the full moon was approaching. Her gaze alone had managed to calm him. The wolf was still near the surface then, and she'd managed to access that part of him, the wolf part, and communicated calming thoughts directly to the wolf. He suddenly realized that the wolf trusted her, implicitly. That had never happened before. The wolf was always leery of humans, never trustful. That realization startled him.  
  
"Is that what this is about? I'm some experiment for you in communicating with animals?" His tone of voice was harsh, accusing. He knew this wasn't fair. She'd saved his life. But what would a young, beautiful witch want with the likes of him?  
  
To his surprise, her fingers never stilled, continuing their path down his neck, across to his shoulder, to his chest. He closed his eyes, trembling beneath her touch and struggling to keep his breathing even.  
  
"Maybe," she murmured in a soft, seductive voice, "but not the kind you think."  
  
He gasped as her lips touched his. Warm, wet, inviting. And then her tongue, finding his, dancing intimately. Stunned, he lay still. Heat spread through his body. He ached to reach out and run his fingers across her soft skin.  
  
Slowly, she pulled back, her eyes locked with his. "I don't want to be alone either, Remus. And I've never cared for humans much. I prefer animals. You're an interesting mix of both. I think I like it."  
  
Still catching his breath, his mind in a fog, he muttered, "What's to like?"  
  
"A lot." She smiled. "The animal, mixed with the man. The best of both worlds, really."  
  
He laughed, shaking his head to clear it. "The wolf would tear you to shreds in a heartbeat, Amera. You're kidding yourself. You've only seen the wolf on Wolfsbane. Without it–"  
  
The fingers that had been playing with his chest hair splayed on his chest, suddenly still. The look on her face was serious. "There was no Wolfsbane, Remus."  
  
A wave of terror washed over him. "WHAT? What do you mean? You LET the wolf out without any precautions? Are you crazy?" Remus was sitting up now, fully awake, appalled at this revelation. "I could have KILLED you!" He ran his hands nervously through his hair, his heart racing. He'd expected her to say, But you didn't, did you? And he was ready to pounce on that idiotic statement.  
  
Instead, she looked away. "You couldn't take the Wolfsbane because your digestive system was too messed up. It would have been too dangerous to try and inject it. But I was prepared Remus. I used other means."  
  
"What other means?" His mind was racing. How could she possibly control the wolf?  
  
"Are you sure you want to know?"  
  
"Yes I want to know!"  
  
She met his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. "You have to understand, I couldn't let the wolf run wild. I was afraid the exertion and stress would kill you Remus."  
  
He waited, recognizing the mixture of fear and regret in her eyes.  
  
"Dumbledore and I put you in a cage before you transformed. And then I– I tranquilized the wolf."  
  
"You what? How?"  
  
"With a tranquiller gun and darts. Just enough to keep the wolf calm. And docile. So you wouldn't hurt yourself."  
  
"You tranquilized the wolf." The words rolled off his tongue without his conscious effort, his mind trying to put this new information into some sort of a framework he could understand.  
  
"Sorry. There wasn't a whole lot of time. It was all I could think of."  
  
He ran his hands through his hair again. This was a first. "And what did the wolf think of that?"  
  
"At first, he was pretty angry. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it. He snapped the darts in half with his teeth. And growled of course. When he finally settled down, I looked into his eyes, and we communicated. Not words, exactly, but feelings, sort of. It's hard to explain. There's nothing really comparable in humans. It's much more basic than that." She paused before continuing. "The tranquilizer only lasts about two hours though. By the time the wolf was ready for the second dose, he started getting agitated, pacing his cage and whining like he was in pain. The second dose went a little better, though he still didn't really trust me. By the third dose, though, he knew what to expect, and by the fourth dose, he seemed almost relieved when the tranquilizer took effect. As if he didn't have to suffer and he could just rest." She smiled slightly. "We came to an understanding, you see, the wolf and I."  
  
The tentative look in her eyes warmed his heart. He stared at her in awe. "You talked to the wolf."  
  
She nodded, smiling.  
  
"That's amazing." He shook his head, his voice turning somber, "He'd still rip you to shreds if he got the chance."  
  
"Yes, I know. He can't help that. That's his nature." She shrugged her shoulders and then reached for his chin, turning his face to meet hers, "I don't intend to give him that chance, Remus."  
  
His eyes danced under her steady gaze. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? Surely she couldn't mean... the next full moon... but his thoughts ebbed away as her lips meshed with his. Soft, sweet kisses, not mean to excite, but to reassure. To comfort. To linger. He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her back onto the bed. Warning bells were going off in his head, but she was too inviting to resist.  
  
"You don't have to be alone, Remus," she whispered, her head cradled against his shoulder as they drifted off to sleep.  
  
He couldn't remember sleeping so soundly in years. 


	6. Chapter 6

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 6  
  
He'd woken once in the night to find her warm, soft body draped across his chest, her head cradled in the indent between his shoulder and his chest. He squeezed her gently with the arm that had been wrapped around her; she responded in her sleep by nuzzling closer to him, her leg creeping dangerously close to territory he wasn't ready to explore with her yet. He took a deep breath and relaxed, inhaling her sweet scent. He wondered how on earth he'd been blessed with such a kind and caring woman. A woman that accepted him for what he was. Before any doubts could surface, he surrendered to the sleep that was clouding his consciousness, wiling her warmth and steady breathing to take him under to a place where he didn't have to think. He didn't have to remember. He could just be. Where thoughts of worthiness and the future didn't exist.  
  
He awoke alone the next morning, her warm presence absent from between the sheets. He hadn't thought much about it before, but he found he much preferred waking with her next to him. He listened, his wolf senses more attuned than the average human. He could hear her breathing. She must be in the next room. But there was something odd; her breathing was not soft and steady like usual, it was shorter and choked. As if she were...  
  
"Amera, what's wrong?" he asked from the doorway, making his way to where she sat on the couch cradling a box.  
  
She wiped the tears from her face and looked out the window as Remus sat down beside her and pulled her into his arms. To his relief, she didn't resist.  
  
"Not enough time." Her sobs choked off any more words she might have said.  
  
He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent, rocking her ever so slightly.  
  
When she regained her composure, she went on. "You know, I was always different, but I never knew why. I could talk to animals. No one else could. When I was invited to the US School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it seemed to make sense. But soon I discovered this talent wasn't common among witches and wizards either. And no one in my family was ever a witch or wizard, so where did I come from? And I didn't look like anyone else in my family either. My mother had blond hair, stick straight, and green eyes. My father's hair was light brown and straight too and he had blue eyes. All my siblings were fair haired with light eyes. And then there was me. Dark, torturously curly hair, dark eyes. I never knew. Not until my mother was on her death bed did she tell me that my father, my real father, was some man from England by the name of Black. That's all she could remember. Not even a first name. She wouldn't tell me anymore. Or maybe she couldn't tell me anymore. Maybe he'd obliviated her memory."  
  
"You probably don't remember me, but I had a class with you, at Hogwarts. And Sirius too. I came to study there for a semester as an exchange student. We had Herbology together. I was really shy back then. I had short hair and glasses and braces too."  
  
He tried to remember the foreign exchange student that had grown into such a beautiful and self-assured woman. He thought he could conjure up a vague image of her as a teenager, but he wasn't sure if what he was seeing was real or just a figment of his imagination.  
  
"When I found out about this Black man who was my father, I sent Dumbledore an owl requesting to meet with him. By then I'd grown up. I wasn't a gangly thirteen year old anymore. I told him of my plight and he took one look at me and said, "I know who your father is. I can see it in your eyes. Do you remember a student by the name of Sirius Black? He would be your half- brother."  
  
"Well, I wasn't sure I was ready to meet this supposed father who hadn't even bothered to acknowledge my existence. But the thought that I had a brother, who was a wizard, who was related to me by blood was intriguing. I wasn't sure he'd accept me. After all, his father had been two-timing his mother, while she was pregnant with him no less. Still, I thought I should try."  
  
She shifted in his arms and looked up at him. "Dumbledore told him about me. I don't know how he took the news when he first found out, but he sent me an owl saying he'd be willing to meet me. He was generous and kind, and didn't hold my heritage against me. Turns out we had a lot in common." She paused, "I met him for the first time about a month before the Potters were killed."  
  
He could see the deep sadness in her eyes and knew that it was reflected his own. He pulled her close so she wouldn't see the tears welling up in his eyes. To his relief, she settled against his chest and continued.  
  
"When everything happened, I couldn't believe that he was the traitor, that he'd killed all those people––my brother." He heard as well as felt the breath catch in her throat, as if remembering the pain that revelation caused her. "I went to visit him in Azkaban. It was a dreadful place. The Dementors gave me the creeps. But I had to know. The first time I went, he was sitting on the floor in his tiny cell, staring up at the window. I tried talking to him, but he didn't respond. He was reduced, somehow, to an animal-like existence. In that sense, I could feel him more than if he was a man. He felt empty, desolate, alone. I'd never seen him like that. He'd always been the fun-loving, life of the party guy with a heart five miles wide, although you'd have to know him to see it."  
  
Remus laughed to himself. She'd pegged Sirius right.  
  
"The next time I came back he happened to be in canine form. I'd never seen him in Animagis form before, although he'd told me he could become one. I was startled by his sheer size, but he was a beautiful animal. I called him over to me, and stroked his soft fur. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he was innocent. He didn't kill all those people. Animals don't lie, you see. Animals don't lie..."  
  
Remus held her tighter as her voice trailed off, tears flowing down her cheeks. He inhaled the sweet scent of her hair, lost in this solitary moment with her.  
  
"There wasn't anything I could do. He hadn't even had a trial. I told Dumbledore, and I think he believed me, but we had no evidence. I moved to England then, convinced I could find a way to free him. Convinced I could unearth the evidence needed. But I never could. I visited him often in Azkaban. It was the best I could offer him. You know, he never spoke to me in all those years. Not in human form anyway. It became a habit when I'd arrive, if he wasn't already in canine form, he'd transform. We could communicate on a much simpler level then. We didn't need words. We could just sit together, on opposite sides of the bars. Me stroking his fur and giving him some comfort, him giving me reassurance that he'd make it through that hell he was in. Somehow, someway."  
  
His breath was no longer steady and even. It matched hers. Short, shallow, choked. He swallowed back the tears, the wretched feelings of guilt and loss constricting his heart. Oh, Sirius. And I believed you were guilty. I never came to see you. I thought you'd abandoned me, but I abandoned you as well.  
  
"When he escaped, Dumbledore contacted me. Did I know anything? Honestly, I didn't. I was worried sick about him. Although, if I had, I'm not sure I would have told Dumbledore. I knew Sirius was innocent. I wasn't sure what Dumbledore believed. I found out later that Sirius hadn't contacted me because he didn't want to endanger my safety. I received one owl from him that year, telling me he was "on a mission" and that he hoped I was well and to thank me for my support over the past twelve years and that he'd come and see me as soon as he could."  
  
"The next time I saw him was after the incident at Hogwarts. He owled me to meet him at Hogsmeade. I visited him often there, brought him food and medicine. And we talked. In human form. That's when he told me about you. He wanted to reclaim his relationship with you, human and otherwise, but he didn't know how to reach you. He didn't know how to convince you of how sorry he was for suspecting you. He was desperate for your acceptance. He'd have done anything for you Remus. Anything. In case you ever doubted that he loved you, I'm here to tell you he did. More than anything."  
  
He felt her soft fingers brush the warm tears from his cheeks.  
  
"You forgave him Remus. He told me so. But you never forgave yourself, did you?" She stroked his hair, as he shook his head. It occurred to him remotely that he should be the one comforting her, not the other way around.  
  
"Towards the end, he started getting nervous. I'm not sure why. He never spelled it out for me. I saw less of him, but he still sent owls. In one of those owls, he made me promise to look after you if anything ever happened to him. He said if anything ever happened to the three of us––you, Harry, and myself––he didn't think he could go on. He wouldn't want to live. He was worried you might have the same reaction if he died. If you lost everything, again. He said you knew that he cared about you, but that you had a tendency to think no one else did."  
  
Damn Sirius for knowing me so well, Remus thought to himself.  
  
In a whisper, she added. "You never knew about me and how much I cared about you. Even though I'd never met you."  
  
His mind reeled at this information. How could Sirius's letters make her care about him? A werewolf no less. "What are you talking about Amera?" His voice sounded strangled.  
  
"One of the times I went to visit Sirius at Azkaban happened to be during a full moon. I didn't know it at the time. I figured it out later. He was at the back of his cell, in canine form. He was staring up at the moon, whining. I called him over to me, and stroked his soft fur. When I looked into his eyes, I felt what he was feeling. He longed for his packmate. I had no idea who his packmate was back then but I could sense it was canine. And I could sense that somewhere, his packmate was out there, feeling lost without him as well. I've always been able to feel a shadow of the feelings of the animals I communicate with, but this was different. Somehow, his needs, his wants, became entangled with my own. I thought maybe it was because we were related by blood, that somehow I was feeling him a lot stronger than regular animals. Or maybe it was because he was an Animagis, so not only was I feeling the animal, but I was feeling the man, and his human needs crossed with my human needs. I longed for his packmate, Remus. Without even knowing who you were, I longed for you too. Sirius created a bond between us, or perhaps between the wolf and I. He left the rest up to us in human form."  
  
He struggled to comprehend this new information; that somehow, someway, he and Amera were bonded. Perhaps that was why the wolf trusted her.  
  
"And I almost lost you, before I even got the chance to know you." Tears spilled forth again from her eyes. "I don't want to be alone either, Remus. I know you've been thinking about leaving. I can see it in your eyes. You're afraid of me. I'm afraid too, I'm afraid of losing you."  
  
He startled at her revelation. Without admitting it to himself prior to this, he knew she was right. He was afraid. Afraid to let himself get so involved with anyone. He'd lost too much. James, Sirius, Peter, his family, his friends; everyone he'd ever loved, everyone who'd ever loved him. He couldn't do it again. He couldn't let someone get so close. It was too painful. He pushed away the thoughts and tried to remember how this conversation began.  
  
"What did you mean when you said 'not enough time'?" he whispered.  
  
"Not enough time," she sniffled, "not enough time with Sirius. I loved him like a brother, like you did. He left us, by no choice of his own. Still, it hurts like hell. And I miss him terribly. I miss his silly antics, his loud laugh, his ready smile..." Remus nodded as her voice trailed off.  
  
"Not enough time, with you, Remus. You're leaving too. Maybe you've already left. But you're leaving by choice, or by fear, not by death. And that's even harder." Her breath caught in her throat. "Not enough time to get you to fall in love with me like I've fallen for you."  
  
He thought his heart would stop at her words. You what? In love? With me?  
  
"Amera..."  
  
A pang of guilt traveled through him as he watched her cringe at the way he said her name. She pushed away from him then, and fled to the bathroom. He stared at the closed door, confused. Everything was happening too quickly. He hadn't had time to think about how he felt about her, and he never expected her to feel anything but pity for him and perhaps a sense of obligation to Sirius.  
  
He felt her presence in the doorway as he finished packing his bags. "I need some time to think," he said, without looking up.  
  
"You're running away."  
  
"It's what I do best," he said absently before realizing it was true.  
  
"I'm not sorry for saving your life, Remus. I may be sorry for a lot of things, but I'll never be sorry for that."  
  
His heart ached when he looked up at her. She stood leaning against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest, her red and swollen eyes. She'd confessed her deepest feelings to him and he was leaving her.  
  
"Will you promise me something?"  
  
"That depends. I don't make promises I can't keep."  
  
"Just promise me you won't hurt yourself."  
  
His body went rigid at her words. He hadn't thought about committing suicide since he'd come to his senses. Yet she still doubted his sanity. That wasn't good. Maybe she sensed he was still unstable. She was probably right. Her body had begun to quiver as the tears pulsed down her face.  
  
In two steps he'd closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her, and burying his head in her luxurious hair. "Amera," he whispered into her ear, "I promise I won't intentionally hurt myself."  
  
"What about the wolf?" her voice trembled.  
  
"What about the wolf?"  
  
"He hates being alone. He hasn't been alone since Sirius died. He trusts me, Remus. You don't have to be alone, either of you."  
  
Remus pulled back to object to her statement, but her eyes stopped him cold. Her eyes weren't looking at him, they were beckoning the wolf. In that instant, he felt the wolf surge inside of him. He felt himself being pushed aside. That was a damn strange feeling to have when he wasn't on top of the full moon. She was communicating with the wolf in a way that was too elemental for his brain to understand or to interfere with. He could feel the wolf's possessiveness, the wolf wanted his packmate. His packmate? When had she become his packmate?  
  
It took all of his strength to force his way back to the forefront of his mind. He backed away from her then, watching her guardedly as he grabbed his bag and headed for the door. He didn't like being controlled; not by the wolf and not by a woman. He fled from her apartment not knowing where he was going, but knowing he had to get away from her; she was dangerous.  
  
She sat on her bed, her tears all but dried up. When he'd regained control, the anger and fear she'd seen in the wolf's eyes during the full moon had emanated from the man. His fists were clenched. A prickle of fear had run through her body. He was angry; angry at her, angry at life. Still, she'd been able to connect with the animal part of him. She understood animals. Their feelings were much less complex than humans. They were ruled by their needs: hunger, thirst, mating, territory, excretion. It was simple, really. But there was no hint of the wolf in his eye's after he'd regained control; just man, pure and angry and wild nonetheless. Truth be told, the man scared her more than the wolf.  
  
She shrugged her shoulders; she might have scared Remus away, but she had gotten through to the wolf. She only hoped it would be enough. She wouldn't chase the man, she wouldn't corner him. She'd give him time to think. She knew his fears. She knew because the wolf didn't hide them away like the man did. The wolf had the same fears––the fear of being alone, the fear of losing his packmate. Fear could drive one away, but fear could also bring one back. 


	7. Chapter 7

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 7  
  
"Sirius! Sirius I'm going to kill you! Why didn't you tell me about her? Were you ever going to? What were you waiting for?"  
  
"I was too damn selfish and needy, Moony. If I told you about her, you'd leave me. I'm sorry." Sirius's voice rang clearly in his mind.  
  
"I wouldn't have left you Padfoot. But now you've given me no choice. Now you've left me. And you've pushed me into her arms. Without a choice. When I see her, I see you. When I think of you, I think of her. And it's not just me. The wolf is going crazy without her."  
  
"So go to her, Moony. It's what you want, it's what the wolf wants. I can't be with you. Let her be with you. You deserve it and she's perfect for you."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"You're right, Moony. You can't. You can't keep running all your life. I'm sorry I left you, truly I am. So is James. He says HI by the way. And he says you're being a moron for not living your life. I agree. How long are you going to push her away? How long are you going to be miserable to repent for some sins you never committed?"  
  
He straightened when he heard the female voice, a voice he hadn't heard in nearly fifteen years. "She loves you, you idiot. And you love her. Even if you're too damn stubborn to admit it. Go to her Remus." Lily's voice rang in his head as he awoke. Lily. James. Sirius. He loved them all and they'd loved him. And now they were dead. But at least they were together. He was alone.  
  
You don't have to be alone, Remus. Amera's voice rang through his mind. He pushed it away. He pushed it all away. He didn't want to think. He didn't want to feel. He wanted to be alone. No, he deserved to be alone. He didn't deserve to be loved.  
  
"Why, Remus, why did you do it?" The conversation he'd had with Amera shortly after he came to from the poisoning echoed in his head.  
  
"Because everyone I'd ever loved was dead. What was the point of living?"  
  
"The Order members have been practically breaking down my door to see you and you turn them away. Harry's worried sick about you, as well as some girl named Hermione and her friend Ron."  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Yes, Harry Potter. Sirius's godson."  
  
"But Harry's dead."  
  
"No he's not, he's fine. Why did you think he was dead?"  
  
She had grabbed his hands that had been running through his hair then and captured his eyes. "You thought Sirius AND Harry were dead, didn't you? Sirius asked me to take care of you, he must have asked you to take care of Harry. But with Harry gone, you had nothing to live for. That's it, isn't it?"  
  
He had pulled his hands back and looked away. Damn, he hated when she was right. Harry. Harry had just lost his god-father but managed to survive Bellatrix. And in his grief, he found time to come looking for me. To worry about me. While I ran away and hid like a coward.  
  
Like I ran away from Amera. Still hiding. Dammit. He ran his hands through his hair and pushed himself out of bed. I abandoned Harry after his parents died and now I've abandoned him after his god-father died. What a stellar example of a man I am.  
  
He found Harry sitting alone on the Quidditch field, the Firebolt laying at his feet. Harry barely looked up when Remus sat down beside him. "Everything reminds me of Sirius."  
  
Remus sighed and put his arm around Harry, giving him a momentary squeeze before letting go. "I know. Me too."  
  
They sat for a long time in silence.  
  
"I hear that woman saved your life. Who is she?"  
  
He laughed, realizing for the first time that Harry might like to meet her. "Her name is Amera Perkins. She's Sirius's half-sister, actually."  
  
"Really? I didn't know Sirius had a half-sister."  
  
"Me neither. It seems he kept her a closely guarded secret."  
  
"Are you still staying with her?"  
  
"No. I left." The words felt empty.  
  
"So you're running, too, huh?"  
  
What? When had he, the mysterious Remus Lupin, become so easy to read?  
  
"I've been avoiding everyone too," Harry offered. "It's just too hard to be around people right now."  
  
Damn, this kid was smart.  
  
"It's not a good way to live, Harry."  
  
Harry shrugged. "You seem to manage."  
  
Remus cringed. This was not the sort of example he should be setting for Harry. James and Lily and Sirius would be very disappointed. He was suddenly gripped by fear, realizing the example he'd been setting. He jumped up and grabbed Harry's shoulders hard. He could tell his intensity and suddenness had startled Harry.  
  
"Harry, listen to me. I've been a real git about this whole thing. Promise me you'll never ever do anything as stupid and selfish as I tried to do after– after–" Remus dropped his hands and looked at the ground, his body shaking slightly. He felt Harry's hands come to rest on his shoulders.  
  
"I won't, I promise."  
  
"I thought you were dead Harry. I thought Bellatrix killed you. I thought it was my fault for letting you go. I thought I failed you Harry. With you and Sirius gone––" I had nothing left to live for. He sat back in the grass, his arms wrapped around his knees, the Firebolt between them. He looked up briefly. Harry looked bewildered.  
  
"Sirius would be very angry with you," Harry finally said.  
  
"Tell me about it," Remus muttered, nodding his head.  
  
"And he'd be angry at me too."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For not looking after you. He made me promise to look after you if something happened to him. But I didn't."  
  
"Harry!" And then Remus laughed. "Did he write letters to everyone asking them to take care of me if something happened to him?"  
  
Harry laughed too. "And me," Harry added shaking his head and thinking of the letters Sirius had sent to Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Tonks, and Remus. There were probably more letters out there that he wasn't even aware of.  
  
Remus embraced him and gave him a pat on the back. "Just owl me if you need anything, anything at all."  
  
Harry nodded, more solemnly now. "Say HI to Amera for me. Tell her I might like to meet her someday. Soon."  
  
Remus smiled. He knew Amera and Harry would get alone quite well. As he was leaving he saw Harry twirling the Firebolt in his hands. Sirius had given him that broom. He watched in the shadows as Harry finally mounted the broom, soaring towards the sky. Harry would be okay. Remus was sure of it. 


	8. Chapter 8

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 8  
  
It was the morning of the full moon and all he could think about was Amera. It was bad enough that he couldn't get her off his mind, but now the wolf was chiming in. He thought he could deal with the wolf. He thought he could persuade the wolf that they were okay alone. But the wolf wasn't interested in Remus's thoughts or desires. The wolf wasn't interested in what Remus thought best for him. The wolf had his own agenda.  
  
To his dismay, he found himself on her front step. This was not the way he wanted to see her again, if he ever decided seeing her again was a good idea in the first place. Damn the wolf. What Remus the man understood least of all was how the wolf could consider her, a human, his packmate. The wolf destroyed humans. That was it's sole purpose in life. Was she an Animagis that he didn't know about? No, she'd have told him. Surely the wolf would destroy her if he got the chance. Yet the wolf was drawn to her in ways other than just for dinner. He shook his head, not understanding in the least.  
  
He found a note on her door with his name on it. Had she been expecting him? He didn't like to think of himself as predictable.  
  
Dear Remus & Wolf:  
  
A decanter of Wolfsbane potion is on the kitchen table. Please make  
yourself at home. I have to attend to a cat with an obstructed bowel  
and a dog with a distended abdomen. I'll should be back around 3 pm.  
I'm looking forward to seeing you again.  
  
Love,  
Amera.  
  
He crumpled the note in his hand. Damn her for knowing he'd come. He wanted to walk away and prove her wrong. The wolf wouldn't hear of it. He let himself inside. The Wolfsbane potion was where she said it would be, and a tiny cage lay on the table next to it. He shook his head. Dumbledore. He'd have been the one to shrink the cage and leave it for her. Resigned to his fate, he drank the Wolfsbane potion and sat on her couch to wait. To his surprise, the wolf settled almost immediately. He couldn't remember a time when the wolf was so calm and content to wait for the full moon. The wolf got what it wanted, he laughed to himself. The wolf never got what it wanted.  
  
He awoke to the feeling of hands on his shoulders and a kiss on his forehead. Opening his eyes, he saw her radiant smile.  
  
"I brought dinner."  
  
He did a quick check of the sky out the window and then looked back at the beautiful woman hovering over him. "Good, I'm starving."  
  
They got down to business immediately, discussing the logistics of the transformation. They would use the cage again. He'd already taken the Wolfsbane potion and she had the tranquilizer gun just in case. He sat in awe of her. She knew exactly how to handle him. Calm his human fears first so she could cater to his animal needs without his interference. Amazing.  
  
"Here's what I don't understand," he said. "The wolf trusts you. Fully. The wolf's never trusted anyone so completely. Not even Padfoot. You're human, but yet the wolf considers you a packmate. I still wouldn't trust that he wouldn't shred you to bits if given the chance."  
  
She smiled while considering her food. "Must be the animal lover in me."  
  
He knew there had to be more to it than that, but he could feel his body start to pull and twitch. He didn't want to take any chances. "Best get ready, then," he said, pushing away from the table.  
  
She got up and wrapped her arms around him, looking deeply into his eyes. "I'm glad you came."  
  
"You didn't give me much choice." Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that was true. She had spoken directly to the wolf. The wolf was why he was here now. The wolf was the reason he wouldn't be leaving anytime soon, either.  
  
She locked him into the cage and waited. She knew he was self-conscious about her being there when he transformed. She found the whole ordeal fascinating, if not somewhat difficult to watch because she knew the transformation was painful. But she was looking forward to communicating with the wolf again. When the transformation was complete and the wolf had settled, their eyes locked. She felt a rush of connection wash over her as animal emotions ebbed and flowed between the two of them. She wanted to reach out and touch him, stroke his soft gray fur, but knew it would be too dangerous. But not for long. She'd carried a secret with her for as long as she could remember, one she'd never dared believe. But Remus challenged her reserves, made her question why she'd waited so long. She felt the pulling of her body and her mind, she wanted more. The wolf wanted her. And she would give the wolf what he wanted. Soon. Very soon.  
  
Remus didn't remember the night of the full moon. He didn't remember transforming back to human form. He didn't know how he'd made it from the cage to the bed. What he did know was that Amera was curled up next to him, her soft hair sprawled across his chest. And he was naked. Again. He laughed. She must have sensed his movement because she opened her sleepy eyes and raised her head to look at him.  
  
"Good morning, sweetheart."  
  
A curious smile danced on the edge of her lips, as if she was guilty of something.  
  
"Did you and the wolf have a good time?"  
  
"Hmmm. Indeed."  
  
"Did he tell you anything I should know about?"  
  
She smiled. "He wants me."  
  
"The wolf?"  
  
"Um-hmm."  
  
"Wants you for what?"  
  
"His mate."  
  
"But you're human."  
  
She shrugged her shoulders and laid her head back on his chest, muttering something about convincing the man in her bed as well.  
  
As she drifted back to sleep he wondered if she was ever really awake or if she'd just been talking in her sleep.  
  
The next time he awoke, she was sitting next to him reading in the fading afternoon sunlight.  
  
"You're beautiful, you know that?" He felt like he was speaking through a mouthful of marbles.  
  
"And you're not quite awake."  
  
"Am too," he muttered, closing his eyes again and sighing.  
  
She laughed as she brushed the hair from his face. "Hungry?"  
  
"Mm-hmm," he murmured, his eyes still closed.  
  
"Go back to sleep," she whispered in his ear, kissing him softly on the cheek.  
  
"Okay," he mumbled as he rolled towards her, wrapping his arm around her waist and burying his head against her hip. He felt her hand rub his shoulder as he drifted back to sleep.  
  
When he awoke again later early that evening, she'd prepared a spread of food for him and served him in bed. He smiled gratefully at her thoughtfulness. As he ate the delicious food, he couldn't help but notice the way she moved, her long legs delicate yet graceful. Her hands purposeful. Her body, perfect. He shook his head to clear his mind. But her voice echoed there, relentless. You don't have to be alone, Remus.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You look rather pensive. I was just wondering what you were thinking."  
  
Damn he hated being so obvious. This woman had a way of getting to him like no one else did.  
  
"Oh, it was nothing. Just tired, that's all."  
  
She sat on the bed next to him and clasped his hand in hers, rubbing circles into his palm with her thumb. "And you expect me to believe that?"  
  
"Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps I might talk if I had sufficient motivation."  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
He smiled wolfishly, knowing he'd peaked her curiosity. His voice dropped a few octaves. "Perhaps the wolf wasn't speaking for himself. Perhaps he was speaking for me, for both of us."  
  
"Oh. That would be nice." Her voice was low and breathy.  
  
He watched as a smile danced across her lips and her eyes drifted shut. He pulled her towards him then, their lips meeting in a gentle kiss. He felt her melt against his touch. He groaned, the sensations rushing headlong through him.  
  
"You're naked," she murmured.  
  
"That would be your fault."  
  
"Remus Lupin. Naked. In my bed." She signed with contentment.  
  
"Willing and able," he added, his tongue capturing hers as he rolled her over in the bed, caught up in their frantic kisses.  
  
He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt like this. Had he ever felt like this? He'd liked women before, he'd been attracted to them. But he'd never hungered for a woman like he hungered for her. He'd never been driven over the edge. What had started out as a playful kiss turned into something much more dangerous. He was losing control. Some little voice in his head sent up warning flags. He gasped and pulled back from her, dropping onto his back and panting. Dammit. He threw his arm over his face. He didn't want to ruin this.  
  
"Amera." Even the sound of her name sent waves of lust and longing through his aching body. "I didn't mean for this to happen. Not like this anyway." He pulled his arm away to meet her eyes. "I don't want to scare you."  
  
She had rolled onto her side and was propped up on her elbow, watching him intently. "You're not scaring me. Although from the looks of it, you're scaring yourself."  
  
"Stop that."  
  
"Stop what?"  
  
"Knowing me better than I know myself. Damn the wolf. I didn't give him permission to tell you this. And I don't like you pushing me aside to communicate with him either."  
  
"I only did that once, when you were too thick headed to listen to your heart. It was a last resort, I promise. And the wolf didn't tell me you were scared. I can sense things about animals that I can't about humans. I seem to have stronger instincts around you, though. I can sense animalistic emotions from you. And I can see it in your eyes."  
  
"Then I am an experiment."  
  
"Indeed," she whispered, her lips touching the soft flesh of his neck. "I've never loved anyone before, Remus."  
  
Her words shook him to the core. Had he ever loved a woman before? Did he love her?  
  
Pushing her away from him, he swallowed. "I'm not used to this."  
  
"Which this is that?"  
  
"This, all of this. It's never been like this before. This intense."  
  
"You've never let the wolf in before, Remus."  
  
Damn it was disconcerting how well she knew him. He gritted his teeth. "How can you be so nonchalant about the wolf?"  
  
"How can you live hating a part of yourself?"  
  
Touché. "I didn't ask for this curse."  
  
"And I didn't ask to fall in love with you. All of you. But I have."  
  
"How can you possibly love the wolf?"  
  
"He's a beautiful animal, Remus."  
  
"If you think dark creatures who would like nothing more than to rip humans from limb to limb is beautiful, I suppose. Or have you forgotten that he could kill you? Would kill you?"  
  
"So could you, Remus."  
  
Her words stung him to the core. "I would never intentionally hurt you."  
  
"Nor would the wolf," she muttered under her breath.  
  
"What?" he asked, straining to hear what she had said.  
  
"Nothing. Can the wolf hurt me now? Here? Today?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then what are you afraid of?"  
  
What wasn't he afraid of? His thoughts evaporated as her lips graced his. She accepted him for who he was, for the man and the wolf. It was too near the full moon, he thought. He didn't have the control he needed to stop her. The wolf was in heaven. The wolf wanted to mate. It didn't care about consequences or protection or anything else. It had a one track mind. And Amera knew it. And she didn't care. He was falling fast and he couldn't see anything in sight to break his fall.  
  
He felt her warmth against his skin in the early morning sun. Something was different though. He was naked. No, that wasn't different. He was often naked in her bed. No, she was naked. That was a first. He searched his sleepy brain for an explanation––and remembered. Vividly. Oh. He felt other parts of his body awaken at those memories. He inhaled sharply as her hand traveled across his chest, its owner still lost in peaceful dreams. He pulled her closer and buried his head in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent. He should feel guilty, shouldn't he? For not taking his time? For something? He should, but he didn't. He'd loved every minute of it. His mind had taken a leave of absence for the first time in years. Only his body had been present, and his emotions. He remembered the scintillating feeling of slipping inside of her, wrapped eagerly in her warmth and her willingness. He remembered rocking against her, forgetting who he was, what he was. Feeling only her, her nails dragging across his back as she fought against her own pleasure, willing herself to hang on just a little longer. He remembered the earthy sensations that rocked his body inside of hers, pulsing through him, beyond his control, gripped in the throws of ecstasy. Her cries mingled with his. Letting go. He'd never let go like that before. He remembered collapsing on top of her, hands tangled in her hair, breathing like he'd run a marathon. And then he'd kissed her. And those words had slipped from his mouth, unbidden, no brain to get in the way, just pure emotion. I love you Amera. I love you. He had felt her smile against his lips, her arms pulling him closer, willing them to be one. One mind, one body, one soul. One. He knew something much larger was happening, but he wasn't willing to admit it yet. 


	9. Chapter 9

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 9  
  
The morning of the full moon dawned with clouds in the sky. Amera had left early for work, promising to be back mid-afternoon like she did every full moon. He sat calmly sipping tea and waiting for her, amazed at how at-ease the wolf was. It was an eerie feeling that he knew was entirely attributable to the amazing woman Sirius had set in his path. Normally the wolf was restless, pacing, anxious. And though there was still a trace of anxiety, he had the sneaking suspicion that this anxiety wasn't from fear of what he might do during the full moon, but rather felt more like anticipation? The door opened just then, and he was drawn from his ponderings to the wonderful smelling meal that weighed down her arms. He jumped to help her, kissing her as he did every morning before she left for work and every evening when she returned.  
  
Setting down the food, he held her tight. She never questioned his neediness around the full moon. Once he'd finally admitted that he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, she never questioned much of anything he did at all. She had a very unique way about her. It seemed to him that she led her life as she always had. Yet, his addition to said life didn't seem to hinder her a bit. In fact, it seemed to enrich her life in ways he hadn't thought two people could so do. Even more intriguing was that she never held what he was against him. Ironically, she didn't even speak about lycanthropy as the curse it was, or even as a disease. Instead, to her, he was who he was. Plain and simple. She'd never held her punches. She told it like it was. He had to laugh knowing that if he was a normal man, she would have never fallen for him. She liked animals better, there were no two ways about it. And the wolf adored her. At first, he'd found their "bond" quite unsettling. But that was just the way it was. He'd come to accept it like she'd accepted him. He may never understand it, but he'd never known another woman who inspired and satisfied and accepted both man and wolf. He'd be a fool to let her get away. Not to mention that he loved her more than he ever thought possible.  
  
Still, he wasn't willing to take any chances. And she hadn't pushed it. Even though he sensed that she wasn't as afraid of the wolf as she should be, she never even entertained the idea that he might not use the cage. He'd never forgive himself if the wolf hurt her, under any circumstances. And she assured him she'd never take that risk, for she knew to do so would utterly destroy his trust in her. And she was right. As always.  
  
He felt the familiar twinges of what he jokingly called "The Morning After." His muscles were tense and burning, his skin prickled, his nerves felt raw. He was hungry and thirsty and tired. And he was warm. Warm and dry. That thought seeped into the human part of his brain. He never awoke warm immediately after a transformation. Being naked and uncovered did not inspire feelings of warmth. But he was warm. And the source of that warmth lie curled against him. Some furry, undulating creature curled in a tight ball. A tight ball of fur which he himself was wrapped around. His brain couldn't process the information and he felt his human consciousness slipping away. Until he felt the wolf within him sigh with a contentment neither of them had ever known before. His eyes flashed open. There, curled against him was the elegant grace of a female wolf breathing evenly in her sleep. His human brain couldn't compute what this meant. The wolf, still fighting for control at the edges of his consciousness, didn't really care about being rational. The wolf only cared about having its mate. It's MATE. Amera?!?  
  
He felt the blood drain from his face. Looking around, he was still in the cage, and the cage was still locked. But the cage filled the entire room. Amera the woman must have enlarged it after he'd transformed and somehow let herself in. In shock and awe, he ran his hands through her sleek fur. This explained a lot of things. The wolf knew she wasn't human, the wolf knew she was his packmate. No, not just his packmate, his mate. That was why she wasn't afraid of him. But the rational, human side of him was furious. She'd risked her life to prove that point. And to whom? To him or to herself? He could have killed her!  
  
Just then, her wolf body stretched and a small whine escaped from her muzzle. Suddenly her body stiffened, as if she realized he was awake. In an instant, the wolf was gone, and a very abashed and confused looking Amera lay next to him, her arms wrapped around her body. She looked around, suddenly realizing where she was. "What happened?" she asked, a frantic look in her eyes.  
  
"You tell me." Anger flared in his voice as he glared at her. The wolf was not something to be messed around with, to be taken lightly. She knew that. How dare she betray his trust?  
  
She closed her eyes. "I must have transformed."  
  
The realization dawning across her features caught him by surprise.  
  
"Wasn't that your intention?" His patience was wearing thin. Why hadn't she told him she was an Animagis?  
  
"Yes. No. I don't know. Everything seems so fuzzy right now. Sirius never mentioned this– this– disorientation."  
  
The anger he felt at her perceived dishonesty dissolved as he watched her struggle with what had happened. He pulled her into his arms and held her against his body to keep them both warm. He pulled one of the blankets off the floor and covered them.  
  
"I'm sorry Remus."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For crossing some unspoken boundaries. I shouldn't have gone this far. Not without asking first. I didn't mean for this to happen. To end up in here."  
  
"Well, I won't deny that I was a bit surprised, but I also won't deny it was quite nice to wake up with you in my arms. Even if you were a little more hairy than usual."  
  
She laughed a little and he felt her sigh of relief in his arms as she settled more easily against him.  
  
"I wanted to surprise you."  
  
"That you did."  
  
"Yes, but I hadn't planned on surprising myself."  
  
He laughed inwardly. She truly was startled by this turn of events. "What exactly where you planning to do?"  
  
Where had her confidence gone? She'd been so confident about this before, and now she felt like a shy child, unsure of herself, unsure of her place in the world. Why was this so unnerving? She'd been reading about it, she'd had it all planned out. If the urge came over her, she'd transform, outside his cage. Just to see what happened. But suddenly nothing was in her control. Control. That was it wasn't it? She'd never given over control in her life. Even with Remus. They lived in her apartment, lived off of her income, played by her rules, made love in her bed. But in wolf form, those rules didn't apply. Instead she'd played by his rules, entering his lair, following his lead. Not that she quite remembered what that was or what had happened. Startled by this revelation, she blurted out, "Did we mate?"  
  
"Don't you remember?" he asked, intrigued.  
  
"If I did, would I have asked?" Her voice held a note of exasperation.  
  
"Sirius always remembered. I mean, not that Sirius and I mated," he laughed, "but he always remembered our adventures in Animagis form. I never have any memory of what happened the night before. Sometimes vague feelings, but no memories."  
  
She'd always put more stock in animal feelings than human memories. "So what are you feeling then?"  
  
"I don't know, Amera. Honest, I don't. The wolf is content, thrilled in fact, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we mated."  
  
The thought was absurd but ... "Do you think I could get pregnant?"  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
She groaned and buried her head under the covers. "I didn't think it would be like this."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
She sighed and rolled to look him in the eyes. "I kind of always thought I was a wolf. Ever since I was a little girl. I'd have these dreams that I was a wolf running through the forest. Whenever we'd play Little Red Riding Hood, I was the wolf. I studied everything about wolves. They were my favorite animals. And that night I was looking for you, and held your fur in my hand, I was more drawn to you than any creature I'd ever sought out before. I thought it was just the height of my emotions, after losing Sirius and all, but that wasn't it. Your fur burned and vibrated in my hand, beckoning me to find you. To find my mate. I just didn't realize it at the time. And when I communicated with you in wolf form, it was so much more intimate and intense than any animal communications I've had before. It's the first time I've ever communicated with a wolf though, so I just thought it was that."  
  
"But when I was with you that first transformation, I was drawn to you. I wasn't afraid of you. I've never been totally without fear around a wild animal. Yes I love wild animals, but I also respect them. I'm not so stupid as to try and pet a tiger. But that fear was curiously absent around you. I still didn't push the limits for fear I might hurt you if anything went wrong. But weird things started to happen. My skin started to crawl, the edges of my consciousness started to fade. I felt like I was changing. I had to forcefully stop myself from being taken over. I didn't realize at first what was happening to me. And then I had a dream. I dreamed I was with you in wolf form. When I awoke, I knew. I was born an Animagis and I'd been running from it all my life. Still, though, it was scary. I didn't know anything about transforming. I was afraid if I switched over, I might not be able to switch back. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on. I wanted to surprise you. I was planning on telling you about it first when I'd finally figured out how to do it. I never dreamed I'd wake up next to you in your cage."  
  
"Do you remember what happened?"  
  
"Not really. I remember watching you transform. I remember wanting to pet you through the bars. You nuzzled your head up against them, your muzzle away from me, your soft ears sticking through the bars. And I rubbed them between my fingers. You felt so soft, so right. I thought momentarily about letting go and transforming outside your cage. We could lay against each other through the bars. But I don't remember transforming and I don't remember what happened next and I have no idea how I got inside your cage."  
  
"What prompted you to change back?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Want to try it now? Here? With me?"  
  
"I don't know if I can."  
  
"You won't know unless you try."  
  
She closed her eyes and willed the wolf form to emerge, but nothing happened. She shook her head. "It doesn't work that way. I can't just make it happen. I think the wolf made me do it." She looked into his eyes briefly before looking away. "I feel so drawn to the wolf."  
  
"The wolf sees you as its mate. He's very possessive."  
  
"And controlling," she muttered.  
  
When her eyes locked once more with this, she wasn't looking at Remus the man any longer, she was looking into the eyes of the wolf. Immediately she felt herself drawn in. The sensation of being his loomed over her. Those eyes bore into the animal that lay dormant beneath, waiting to be called out. Her world faded to black as the animal took over. Her last conscious thought was This is how Remus must feel when the wolf takes over. I have no say in any of this.  
  
He hadn't meant to let the wolf out. But it was still too close to the full moon. He didn't have control. The wolf wanted his mate and he wasn't willing to wait until next month to have her. The human part of him could see her locked into the wolf's gaze. The human part of him realized with a twinge of guilt that the woman he knew was no longer in control of her own body. The wolf inside of him dictated to her animal side as she had once done to his. He gasped in awe as he watched her transform. In an instant the she-wolf emerged, nuzzling it's muzzle underneath his human chin, and whining. Not from pain, but from submission. She was submitting to the alpha wolf. Even her posture spoke of her standing. She definitely belonged to the wolf. He never realized how powerful the wolf was. He didn't think Amera would much like being in this position, even if it was the way of animals. And in that instant, watching her wolf body language, he knew the answer to her question beyond a doubt.  
  
"Amera," he whispered, gently stroking her fur. "Amera, change back." She whined, pushing her furry body against his human one. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and coaxed her back with his voice. Soothing, human words. Shortly, Amera the woman was in his arms. He turned her to face him. She looked just as bewildered and confused as before.  
  
"What just happened?" she asked.  
  
He shook his head. "I'm not exactly sure, but we definitely mated."  
  
"Just now?"  
  
"No, last night."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I saw how you acted when you transformed. And I felt the wolf surge inside of me." MY mate! Mine! All Mine! He felt a shiver go through her body.  
  
"Listen, Amera. I think you need to work on this and get it under control. I can sense that you aren't comfortable with what happened. I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with it either. I want you to be in control of what happens. I don't think it's good for either of us for you to be at the beck and call of the wolf."  
  
"I agree," she whispered, nuzzling her head under his chin. He smiled at the familiarity of it, although he was sure she wouldn't realize the similarity. 


	10. Chapter 10

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 10  
  
She was still reeling from what had happened when Remus took her to see Dumbledore the next morning. After explaining what had happened, the headmaster suggested that she take up lessons with Professor McGonagall, the resident Animagis expert. That sounded like a splendid idea. She was still jumpy and on edge from the transformations. Not the physical part of them, but the feeling of being taken over, of her life being totally out of her own hands. She knew that Remus could sense her uneasiness. He'd been very gentle with her, coaxing her out of her shell, and not getting angry when she snapped at him for no reason or broke into tears over nothing. She had to get this under control. The last thing she wanted was to be intimidated by the wolf, or make Remus feel guilty for things beyond his control. The ironic thing was, the wolf was so unlike him. The wolf was everything that Remus was not; domineering, aggressive, and fiercely possessive. Remus was gentle and patient and willing to take his time. Well, unless the full moon was near, and then the wolf had a bit more to say in the matter. Even still, Remus the man kept a tight reign on things. And so did she in her normal life. Now that life seemed so far away she could hardly breath.  
  
Due to Amera's emotionally state, and because it was summer, Professor McGonagall agreed to meet with her daily until she felt more at ease with being an Animagis. The first meeting had been straightforward enough. Amera explained what had happened, how she'd felt, her childhood, and anything else she thought might be relevant.  
  
"What is it dear?" McGonagall's voice was invading her thoughts.  
  
"Oh, sorry. It's just– I should have know. I mean, it's in my blood. Sirius was an Animagis."  
  
"You never had any reason to explore it before, Amera. You never needed it before."  
  
"And I need it now?"  
  
McGonagall shot Amera one of her rare sincere smiles, not the tights ones she'd periodically dole out to the students. "You love him, I can see it in your eyes. You're scared right now. But deep down, you'd do anything for him. Including becoming a wolf so you could be with him when he transforms. Am I right?"  
  
She bit her lip and nodded. "I hadn't thought of it that way before."  
  
"Well, it seems the she-wolf is quite comfortable with the turn of events. Now we just have to get you, the woman, comfortable with them as well. And in control of them."  
  
"That would be good," Amera agreed.  
  
"Come back tomorrow, same time. Bring Remus. From what you've told me, we're going to need him to help with the transformations. At least in the beginning until I can teach you how to trigger the transformation yourself."  
  
Leaving that day, she felt marginally better. At least she had a plan.  
  
McGonagall proved to be an excellent teacher. Remus was amazed at how well she worked with Amera. Maybe it was because she was a woman, maybe it was because she was an Animagis. Maybe a little of both. She calmed Amera's fears in ways that Remus never could. Slowly, he watched as McGonagall got Amera to recognize the beginnings of the transformation and to assert her human conscience to stop it. That was the first step. She taught her how to let it happen and to change back given a command from Remus. Soon it was time to teach her how to change on her own, how to return on her own, and how to be in control during the entire process. She was just beginning to master that as the full moon came nearer. She was, however, nowhere near being able to fight off the wolf who was much stronger than she was at this point.  
  
McGonagall had sat them both down a week before the full moon.  
  
"Have you two discussed how you plan to handle the next full moon?"  
  
They looked at each and shook their heads.  
  
"Well, you need to. Amera is not ready to be alone with you as the wolf. You're wolf personality is too strong. I doubt she could resist you. While I don't think you'd hurt her, I don't think she's emotionally ready to–"  
  
"I agree." Remus interjected. "What do you suggest?"  
  
McGonagall clasped her fingers and pursed her lips as if what she was about to say left a sour taste in her mouth. "Well, if I thought it was possible, I'd suggest you live apart for the next week or so." Catching the looks on their faces, she continued, "But considering that is highly unlikely, I do have some more palatable ideas. First, Remus, if you feel the wolf strongly inside of you, do not make eye contact with Amera. If she sees the wolf in your eyes, she'll transform. In that regard, my lessons have made her weaker to the wolf, not stronger. She can easily transform now, and one look from the wolf would do it."  
  
"Got it. No eye contact with the wolf."  
  
"Second, and I hate to say this, but I don't think she should be there for your transformation."  
  
Remus and Amera exchanged a glance. Neither of them wanted that, but they would do whatever Minerva thought best.  
  
"Or, I could offer you an alternative."  
  
"What's that?" they both asked in eager unison.  
  
"I could join you for the transformation. I could help Amera stay safe and in control and guide her transformations. If that seems like a reasonable option for you both, I think we could make quite a bit of progress in one night. However, I understand Remus that that may make you rather uncomfortable."  
  
"Actually, Minerva, I was thinking it might make you rather uncomfortable."  
  
"I'll manage if you think you're up for it."  
  
Much to Remus's relief, the fear in Amera's eyes subsided a little. He'd never seen her so nervous around him, around the wolf. She nodded her agreement.  
  
"In the meantime, do be careful Amera. I know the wolf is a very strong pull for you." She shifted her gaze to Remus. "If she does transform, you know the command to bring her back. Do so immediately. Now is not the time to experiment with her Animagis skills. When she has them under control, then, obviously, you two can do as you please."  
  
"Of course." Remus answered, looking forward to the day when her transformations didn't unnerve her so much.  
  
When they left McGonagall's office, Amera fell into Remus's arms, tears streaming down her cheeks.  
  
"What is it, my love?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm just so overwhelmed. I thought being an Animagas would be fun. I never thought it would be so scary and so hard to control. Sirius made it sound easy."  
  
"You know it took Sirius three years to become an Animagis. You've only been working at it for three weeks."  
  
"You know I love you Remus. And the wolf. I'm just scared right now. The wolf has never scared me before. But now, I lose all control when he's near. I'm sorry."  
  
"Shh... " He rocked her against his chest as she sobbed, running his hand through her silky, black hair. "I love you Amera. I'll always love you. Take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere." And, unfortunately, neither is the wolf, he thought. Damn, why does the wolf always have to get in to the way? Why can't my life just be simple? Ironic, though, the wolf was very content. More content than it had ever been. Even though he himself and the woman he loved were struggling to come to terms with their animal forms' relationship. 


	11. Chapter 11

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 11  
  
That night Remus worked very hard at not thinking about the wolf and not reminding her that he was one. Instead, he made her dinner. He was not a cook by any stretch of the imagination, but he tried his hardest and got her to laugh at his creative cooking methods. With a couple glasses of wine and a few strategically placed candles, she'd relaxed into the strong- willed, easy-going woman he'd grown to love.  
  
"You really are beautiful, you know that?"  
  
She blushed at his words and gave him that look, her head tilted slightly to the side, her hair falling across her face, her eyes looking up at him. That sweet, seductive look. His heart raced as his pulse thrummed through him. As he set the dishes in the sink he felt her wrap herself around him from behind. Sighing, he leaned back against her, allowing the sweet sensation of her warm lips on his neck to send shivers down his spine.  
  
"Merlin I love how you touch me," his voice was breathless. They hadn't made love since before the last full moon and he'd been dying for her touch. He hadn't wanted to rush her though. He wanted her to come to him. And here she was.  
  
She turned him to face her and ran her finger along his lower lip. "I'm sorry I've been so off lately," she whispered, as her lips replaced her fingers.  
  
"Shhh... just kiss me." He pulled her closer, trying his hardest to kiss her gently when he was dying to kiss her deeply, fervently. His breath had stepped up a notch and he could feel the desire coursing through his veins.  
  
She broke their kiss and held him tightly. Sighing softly against his neck, she murmured, "Take me to bed, Remus."  
  
In a move that surprised them both, he whisked her off her feet and carried her to bed. Soon he was ravaging her body with kisses as she squirmed pleasantly under his touch. "Remus?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Look at me."  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Can't, sorry." He smiled, his eyes still closed, as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck, planting kisses up to the tender flesh of her ear.  
  
She pushed him back. "It's okay, I promise. Just please, look at me. Please Remus. I want you. All of you. I don't want to wait. Not for this."  
  
The pleading in her voice sent warning signals through his body. He cocked his head and looked quizzically at her.  
  
"Let the wolf out. I– I miss him."  
  
He shook his head. Every muscle in his body tightened in warning. He didn't want to risk it. If he let the wolf out, he might not be able to reign him back in.  
  
"Please, Remus, I can't explain it. But I need him. I need you. All of you."  
  
"But what if I scare you? What if you transform?"  
  
She smiled that disarming smile of hers. "Well, if I transform that would definitely make things interesting."  
  
"Perhaps, but, ah... well, I can't transform at will. And, well, I think I'll leave the she-wolf to the he-wolf if you don't mind."  
  
She blinked, momentarily confused, before blushing furiously. "I didn't mean– I didn't think–" But when she looked back in his eyes, she saw the wolf lurking in the shadows.  
  
He startled when her eyes met his.  
  
"You see it, don't you?"  
  
He nodded as words failed him. He could see the she-wolf clearly behind her eyes. He felt as if his breath had been pulled from his chest.  
  
"It's okay. I promise."  
  
He groaned, something deep shifting inside of him. She reached for him and every last shred of inhibition vanished. He couldn't have stopped the freight train running through him if he'd tried.  
  
His eyes were closed but he was not asleep. He had never felt so alive in all his life. And so incredible. So complete. So right. He'd never given in to himself so fully, all of himself; the man and the wolf. He'd never thought the saying "werewolves mate for life" applied to him. He realized now that although he'd had sex with other women, he'd never mated before; there was a vast difference between human sexual release and mating. If he was honest with himself, he'd have to admit that he'd already sealed his fate with Amera the first time they made love; he just hadn't been willing to admit it then. He groaned, terrified to look at her. Terrified that he'd scared her or hurt her with his fierce intensity. Terrified of this new development. They had mated. Man to woman. He-wolf to she-wolf. There were no two ways about it. And there was no going back.  
  
"Honey? Are you awake?" Her soft voice filtered through his thoughts.  
  
"Mm-hmm."  
  
"Open your eyes."  
  
He held his breath, beginning to very slowly do as she asked.  
  
Instead, his eyes bolted open as a four-legged mass landed squarely on his chest.  
  
Her canine eyes were bright, her tail wagging. She'd changed on her own.  
  
"Change Back."  
  
She shook her furry head and gently nudged his chin with her nose in a playful gesture. Then she hunkered down, her front legs splayed across his chest, her hind end up in the air, tail wagging furiously. She barked, inviting him to play.  
  
This was the not the nervous, submissive female wolf he'd encountered a few weeks ago. This was a self-assured lupine form of Amera. Smiling, he wrestled her to the bed, she on her back, her legs in the air. He tickled her furry belly, as she flailed, nipping playfully at him. With grace, agility, and a strength that surprised him, she sprung to her feet and bowled him over, nudging his chin with her nose. Tail still wagging, she settled on his chest and nuzzled her snout against his neck. In the whirlwind of an instant, Amera the woman was sprawled out across his body. Naked skin to naked skin.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered, smiling proudly.  
  
"For what?" his nearly breathless voice asked.  
  
"For giving yourself to me so completely. For trusting me. For loving me."  
  
"How could I not love you, Amera?"  
  
"Mmmm...." She was nuzzling his neck again, this time in human form. It drove him crazy when she did that. He sighed under her touch, surprised to feel his body respond to hers again so quickly.  
  
"What changed?" he asked, curious as to how she'd gone from being terrified of him to wanting all of him.  
  
"I stopped being afraid."  
  
"And?"  
  
"I was so afraid of losing control that that very fear was causing me to give up control."  
  
He paused, considering his own lack of control around her, especially near the full moon.  
  
"Amera, there's something you should know."  
  
"What's that?" her eyes were bright and curious.  
  
"We mated."  
  
"I know, I was there."  
  
"No, you don't understand. We didn't just have sex. People do that. We mated. There's a difference." A huge difference.  
  
"Yes, I know." The look in her eyes was both easy and intense at the same time.  
  
"What do you know?" he asked, certain she couldn't possibly understand what had just transpired between them or the implications of it, at least for him.  
  
"Wolves mate for life."  
  
She made the statement as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She laughed at the stunned expression on his face. Bending over to kiss him, she whispered against his lips, "I thought maybe we should mate again, to seal our fate, just in case once wasn't enough." With that, she slid herself over him, inhaling sharply at the intense pleasure that was him sliding deep inside of her. "I love you Remus Lupin. All of you."  
  
"How do you do that?" he asked, barely holding on to the last vestiges of self control, his hands sliding up to rest on her hips.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Everything. This. And– and knowing what I'm going to– Oh god–" Her tongue was caressing his neck as she rocked against him. He couldn't think straight anymore.  
  
"Knowing what your going to say before you say it?" she prompted.  
  
He nodded, slipping into the rhythm she so seamlessly created between them. He was fading fast, losing interest in her words even as he struggled to hang on to them.  
  
"The wolves talk," she whispered, leaning into him, meshing their hearts and souls, losing herself in him once again. 


	12. Chapter 12

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 12  
  
Minerva McGonagall arrived about an hour before the full moon was due to rise. Amera and Minerva waited in the bedroom for Remus's transformation to be complete.  
  
"You seem much more relaxed, dear." Minerva was watching her closely as Amera winced, listening to the sounds of pain escaping from the living room.  
  
"I am. In general. This part is always hard though."  
  
"Do you feel any of it?"  
  
"Sort of. I mean, I don't feel the pain exactly, but I feel that he is in pain. And I feel some of the confusion and the struggle. Even after all these years, he still fights against the wolf when it emerges. I guess I can understand that. No one likes losing control."  
  
Minerva nodded, watching her student carefully. The full moon hung low in the sky and there were no more transformation noises coming from the living room. "Is it time then?"  
  
Amera nodded, entering the room first. "I can feel the wolf, he's longing for his mate."  
  
"Can you control the urge to transform?"  
  
"Yes, I think so. I feel it, but I think I can control it."  
  
When Minerva entered the room, the wolf's demeanor changed drastically. Its hair stood on end and he growled. Minerva looked thoughtful for a second, and then transformed into a cat. Good thing he's in a cage, she thought, or I'd be dinner. She let the wolf pick up her scent before sulking away and turning back into herself.  
  
The wolf still eyed her cautiously, but somehow, he seemed less threatened by her presence. Still, she kept her distance from the cage, not wanting to provoke him. The Wolfsbane potion eased the desire to hunt humans, but it did nothing to calm possessiveness over its mate.  
  
"Ready?" Minerva asked from across the room.  
  
Amera nodded, allowing herself to assume wolf form. Amera was amazed at the difference her lessons with Professor McGonagall had made. She could actually think inside the she-wolf's body now. Granted her human side was pushed back farther, and the wolf's thoughts took precedence, but Amera, the woman, was now an integral part of the transformation.  
  
"Change back."  
  
In an instant, she was standing in front of Minerva in human form.  
  
"How was it?" Minerva's nasally voice rang in her ears.  
  
"Incredible. I remember. I could think. I was present."  
  
"Let's try it again. You transform on your own and bring yourself back out. If you don't come back within ten minutes, I'll call you back."  
  
Amera nodded.  
  
Minerva watched as Amera assumed wolf form again. The she-wolf sauntered up to the cage, rubbing her back along the bars. Remus responded, rubbing his back against hers through the bars. Abruptly, the she-wolf walked back to where Minerva sat and changed back.  
  
"It's working," she said a bit breathless, amazement clear in her voice. "I want to do it again. I think I'll be safe. Why don't you just watch and if anything seems amiss, you can call me back. Otherwise, I'd like to explore this a little more and come back when I'm ready."  
  
McGonagall nodded, a stunned smile on her face at just how far her once timid and fearful student had come. But then again, the power of love probably had a lot to do with it.  
  
This time when Amera transformed, she didn't worry about time constraints and other human failings. She nuzzled Remus through the bars, whining at the cage between them. The wolf pawed at the bars and bit at the steel. The little bit of human in her crept back in, caught his eyes, communicated that for tonight, they'd have to be content with this. But soon, very soon... The wolf relented and contented himself to settle against the cage, side to side through the bars. He licked her muzzle, and made low guttural noises that signified pleasure. She closed her eyes, sighing.  
  
Her muscles felt tight as she stretched, suddenly realizing the body she was in was not her own. The heady scent of male wolf filled her nostrils. She looked over and saw Minerva watching them and looking quite pleased. She slinked away from the male wolf's side. He was sleeping peacefully. She transformed at McGonagall's feet.  
  
"Amazing," she intoned, stifling a yawn.  
  
"I quite agree. It was amazing to watch the two of you together."  
  
"It's different this time. Since the human side of me is present, I don't have that feeling of losing control, of being sucked under. I think the wolf in Remus senses it too. He senses that I'm stronger. He's not as pushy, not as domineering. It's like we are on more even ground."  
  
"And so you are dear. But you are the one with the vast understanding of animal behavior. I'll leave that analysis to you."  
  
Amera smiled and nodded.  
  
"Amera, I must say that I'm quite impressed with how far you've come in such a short time. You are a very strong woman and I applaud you."  
  
"Thank you, Professor McGonagall."  
  
"Minerva," she said, rolling her eyes.  
  
Amera watched as Minerva seemed to consider something. "Would you like to join the wolf? I sense that you are quite comfortable around him."  
  
Amera looked taken aback at the offer. "I would love to," she said, her hand over her heart.  
  
McGonagall smiled and nodded. "You sure you feel safe enough?"  
  
"Yes. I do."  
  
"You know you can't change back while you are in the cage."  
  
"I am fully aware of that, yes."  
  
"I'll be right here if anything goes wrong."  
  
Amera smiled. "Thank you, Minerva. You have been an excellent teacher. I couldn't have done this without you."  
  
Minerva smiled. "Off you go then. Try not to wake him when you go in. At least not until I have the cage closed and locked.  
  
Amera nodded and soon it was the she-wolf looking back into Minerva's eyes.  
  
Amera slipped into the cage and curled up in front of him, her furry back to his furry stomach. She sighed as she felt him curl around her in a protective way. Protecting his mate. Claiming his mate. She felt him nuzzle her in his sleep.  
  
She drifted between sleep and consciousness to the feeling of her fur being stroked. She stretched her canine limbs and whined softly, rolling into the touch. She wasn't quite awake yet. Her nose twitched as she picked up a scent. A human scent. She opened her eyes and looked into another pair, bright gray with a hint of gold. In an instant, she'd changed back to herself.  
  
"Good morning, sweetheart." His voice was tired but carried a note of serenity that he usually didn't possess after a transformation. "It is wonderful waking up next to you like this."  
  
"Where's Professor McGonagall?" she asked, her voice stiff from lack of use and sleep.  
  
"Not here," he smiled, sliding his hands down her still-clothed body.  
  
"You're naked," she observed, raising her eyebrows mischievously at him.  
  
"Hmm. So I am. That's usually the case with us, isn't it?"  
  
"I could remedy that, you know."  
  
"Please do."  
  
Smiling, she slipped off her clothes and insinuated herself against his firm body.  
  
"Aren't you tired?"  
  
"Very. I was hoping you could put me into a deep, deep sleep."  
  
"Oh you were, were y–" but her voice was swallowed up by his mouth descending over hers, his tongue touching hers, his hands traveling across her willing flesh. She closed her eyes, sighing. Mates. For life. 


	13. Epilogue

By the Light of the Moon: EPILOGUE  
  
Amera stared into his golden eyes streaked with gray; more wolf than human. She stroked his face. Together, they waited.  
  
"You know," she whispered, not sure if Remus the man would remember this conversation, "Sirius made me promise to watch over you if anything happened to him. He also made me promise never to leave you alone on a full moon."  
  
She leaned over to kiss him, but he only kissed her briefly before pushing her away. She knew he was nervous. She'd never been in the cage during his transformation before. She promised to transform herself as soon as any sign of his own transformation began. She watched him carefully as he closed his eyes momentarily, pain scrawled across his face.  
  
"You don't have to be alone anymore, Remus. I love you. All of you."  
  
His eyes met hers only briefly before nodding to her. On his signal, she transformed.  
  
She watched in confusion through the she-wolf's eyes as the man in front of her changed into her mate. The she-wolf had no concept of man and wolf, the she-wolf only knew the he-wolf. When her mate emerged, they sniffed each other eagerly, reestablishing the bond between themselves. Recognition turned to play as they frolicked around the cage that had been expanded to take up the entire room. She'd never seen the wolf so free, so uninhibited. It was exhilarating. She kept just enough of her human presence with her to observe their interactions. Ever the scholar, the human part of her laughed. But then the frolicking shifted, turning into more ritualized behavior. He was dancing around her, stalking her across the room. The she- wolf was leading him on, raising her tail, giving him permission. As the mating ritual continued, Amera the human began to feel less comfortable about observing such an intimate moment. Taking a deep breath, she stepped back and let nature take its course.  
  
When she awoke in the morning, she remembered only bits and pieces of the night before. Odd, she thought. She remembered frolicking with him and sleeping curled up next him. But something was missing. As she pondered this, she heard his voice, gruff and edged with exhaustion.  
  
"We mated, didn't we?"  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because I'm absolutely exhausted." But he was smiling as he looked at her.  
  
She brushed the hair from his face, studying him with love in her eyes.  
  
"So what was it like? You had the luxury of being there. In the she-wolf's mind, I mean."  
  
A slight blush crept up her cheeks. "Actually, I think I left for that part."  
  
"Really, how come?"  
  
"I can't say for sure, but if I had to guess, I didn't want to intrude on such a private moment."  
  
"Hmm..." he said, stroking her face, "I guess we'll never know. At least not how the wolves do it anyway. But I must say, I'm quite satisfied with how we make love."  
  
She leaned over and kissed him. Sighing gently she watched as his eyelids slid shut, sleep overtaking him.  
  
"I love you Remus," she whispered.  
  
"I love you too." 


End file.
